LIFE MISSIONS

I Squeemed and I Saw Myself Again!!!

2011-04-18T14:42:00.000-04:00

Yesterday (Sunday), I decided to ditch the little girl child and go off by myself. I went to take back some pants I had bought for her, but honestly, I did not want to take her whining, moody ass with me. That child is a pain and sometimes I wanna slap the taste out of her mouth.

*Yes your honor, I understand she can no longer taste the candy she consumes, but she so deserved it!

Anyway, so I went to pick up some stuff for ME for a change. The kids and I are going to Myrtle Beach this coming Friday with my sister and niece, and I have nothing to wear.

*Really, 3 pairs of capris are the only summer clothes I have. Last year, I wasn't into summer too much.

I bought myself 4 pairs of flat sandals at the first store for a total of $21. Nice!!!

I went to Nine West and bought a pair of every day flat shoes and a pair of sexy caramel sandals with a 4-inch heel. Grand total $28. Score!!!

I went to another store and bought myself one of those fake leather bomber jackets in caramel for $25. Nice again!

I bought myself a nightie with thong and 2 bra & panty sets from another store. Nice indeed!

Then, I went to Fashion to Figure. Now this store is a plus size fashion store that isn't dark, or crowded and I honestly love the layout. Very open and inviting. They carry colorful, trendy clothes that women of different ages can be comfortable in. At first, I was a little overwhelmed because I have only been in there lately to window shop, because I was broke. But yesterday, I actually had money to spend.

*We'll talk about how I have no job now but have more disposable cash another time! God is good!

I made my rounds and picked up eight pieces to try on. Only six are allowed in the dressing room so I kept the others outside. I tried on everything and I was utterly disappointed in what I saw. Not in the clothes, but in how sorry I looked in the clothes, in the mirror. When you don't have a full length mirror at home, you can live in illusion (and denial). Not in the dressing room. Nuh uh!! That bad boy shows everything, EVERYTHANG!!!! I made myself mad and walked out and only kept one of the dresses I tried on (because it is a maxi dress and shows nothing).

But, instead of leaving the store like normal, I decided to make another round and pick up some other styles. The salesgirl, Imani, had asked me if I wanted to try on this "Squeem" thing and I had said yes, but then she went on break. I tried on the new picks and liked them better and decided to get them. Just when I was looking at the jewelry and getting ready to check out, another salesgirl came up and asked if I still wanted to try the "Squeem". I was hesitant but decided to go in the dressing room one more time. She got it and put the darned thing on me and then went to get me some dresses to put on with it. When I tried on those dresses, I looked amazing. That contraption, of course, is a freaking corset but let me tell you, I looked hot and I haven't seen Hot Charisse in a very long time. That heifer has been hiding for so long that I had forgotten all about her.

I feel in love with her yesterday and she is getting used to me again. LOL Long story short, I bought the corset, and other choices, and put a few of those dresses on layaway. Yeah, that's how good I looked.

A corset helped me see that I can indeed be sexy and stop acting like my days are numbered. I'm only 40. Sheesh, I've got years of hotness left and I am going to take advantage of them. Shaun T and I had a good workout today and he is my friend again too.

See, good things do happen when God is working for your good!

xoxo
Charisse

Oh How The Tides Have Turned

2011-04-06T10:20:00.000-04:00

Do you know how awesome GOD is? I hope you do but let me tell you, He is awesome indeed! He speaks when you are ready to listen and when you do listen, you must heed His word.

For the past 3 months, I have been listening to God and the things I have heard have prepared me for a future that I know will be amazing because I trust Him. You all know that I have been working out but what I didn't get a chance to tell you was how my job situation was. That place was getting more and more stressful. I was given 5 new responsibilities in 4 months with little preparation or explanation. I handled them well, but was not given even a "Thank You" or a "Good work". Add to that a $0.24 raise (yes 24 cents) and you have one unhappy camper in me. Now, let me be the first to tell you that there are times when I totally slacked but when God started telling me to step up my game, I listened.

Here is what I was being told by the Father:

-It's time for a change.
-Work on your appearance, presentation is everything.
-Tie up the loose ends at work so that everything will be organized when you leave.
-If you want a managerial position, you have to act like a manager, so do the work.
-Go back to school.
-The change will take a year.

Now, instead of protesting like I would have done before, I listened. I started working out and eating better. I coordinated my wardrobe better. I pulled most of my loose ends at work together and completely reorganized my desk so that I could function better. I revamped my strategy in handling my work and was well on my way to having it 100% good. But I also knew that the Father was preparing me to leave this place and it happened. On March 23rd, after coming back from lunch, I was called into the conference room and told that because I had been unable to pull together some of my work, and because I was "unhappy", I was being let go. Was I surprised? No because I had been preparing for this. But let me tell you what happened.

I COULDN'T HOLD IN THE SMILE!!!!! I absolutely started smiling and after breezing through the paperwork and verifying my paycheck and the pitiful one week severance, I just asked if I could leave now! LOL I went to my desk, pulled out my purse, my iPhone charger and a printout of personal stuff I had. My supervisor of 3 years was standing at my desk looking shell-shocked (I'm not sure she knew if would happen because her reaction was too stunned and she said nothing during the meeting). I pointed out all of the things I had lined up on my desk that needed to be taken care of and she responded that she didn't think she would be able to get any of it done. (Um, oh well - said in my head :)) I passed her the company card key, gave her a hug and BROKE THE HELL OUT!!! LOL I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I giggled all the way home, praising God and saying alright, I'm ready for whatever you have planned for me!

Over these last 2 weeks, I have been getting my house in order, literally. I am throwing away unnecessary things, reorganizing and just plain cleaning it up from top to bottom. I am also bringing new life in with plants because honestly, this place is a dead space. We haven't been here a year yet but I know this is only a temporary space and have been treating it as such. I am now making it more comfortable in preparation for the new place that we will be blessed with, in God's time.

Most importantly though, this is the time I need to get back to what makes me ME! I have not been connected to myself in quite a while and so now is the time. I have been blessed that this man is still in my life and able to handle the rent and extras. My unemployment is kicking in and my children are healthy. What more can I ask for that I don't already have or need? Nothing.

So the tides have turned in my favor and will bring in more and more blessings! I am sure of it!

Charisse

I made it through week 1

2011-02-28T23:59:00.002-05:00

Today is Day 1, Week 2. It involves more of the Hip Hop Abs with only 2 days of Taebo. I know I have lost inches but that darned scale hasn't moved. I won't stress it though, because I know better. I will keep doing what I have been doing and look forward to seeing results.

I did TaeBo 1 and Fat Burning Cardio today. I admit that I didnt go full force because I was worried about my son, who came home sick from visiting his dad. When I woke him up for school, he was burning with fever. Needless to say, he is home. Then baby girl woke up and she wasnt feeling very well either, after coming home from her dad's house too. We did get out of the door but I turned her around and sent her back to bed. So I will be here at work for only another hour or so, then I will go home to tend to my babies.

After I tend to them, I will get some spring cleaning done. I started some but there are other things that need to be addressed. Nothing like a clean house, and burning calories while I'm at it.

Have a blessed day!

It's A Beautiful Day - Week 1, Day 5

2011-02-25T09:41:00.000-05:00

Day 5 is a great day. My Love drove me to work today, which means he also has to pick me up! :) I like.

I did TB1 and FBC today and worked up a sweat doing both. During one of the Taebo moves, the crook of my right arm gets sweaty and makes a suction noise while I'm bending my arm. I think it's funny. I also know I will miss that noise because soon the fat will be gone. I'm not trying to get bony by any means, but the extra on top of the healthy fat is what has to go! I'm working on it!

taken in the M&M store, April 2008.

I'm On a New Mission

2011-02-23T10:16:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all. I'm gonna get straight to the point. I'm on a new mission to tackle the big thing I have been afraid of for a very long time! My FAT ASS! Yeah, it's time. Time to get rid of this weight for real, and for good. I don't want to be on the destructive path of self-doubt, depression, anxiety again. It's too much and such a waste of life!

I am tracking my intake at Spark People and figured since I'm doing the blog there, just do it in both places! So welcome to my life, right now! I will do the weight loss tracking and I will also do my art and my everyday! Why not, right?

So here is the catch up: I just started on Monday, February 21, 2011. I am right now on a 4-week schedule doing an old school TaeBo Basic 1 & 2 DVD and Hip Hop Abs. I am following the Hip Hops Abs schedule and adding the TaeBo to make sure I am doing an hour everyday for the four weeks. Today is Day 3.

Day 1:
Taebo 1 - done
Hip Hop Abs - Fat Burning Cardio - done
I can and will do this!!!

Day 2:
TaeBo 1 and Fat Burning Cardio - done

Day 3:
In the evening on Day 2, I got home from work and my son was playing video games in the livingroom. I told him that I had been working out and he said, to paraphrase, "It doesn't matter. You're gonna quit anyway!" WOW....like WOW, you know. But he was absolutely right. There is no way around, over, under it. All that is left for me to do is get through it. And I will. I told him that I needed him to believe in me, to be positive for me, and told him to tell me "You can do it!" He mumbled it a couple of times but it eventually came out clear. Then I started doing the whole "Do you really think I can do it? blah blah blah" crap that I do and do you know what he did? The boy SHUSHED ME! HE SHUSHED ME! Like he was Richie! That was hilarious! I couldn't do anything but laugh!

Yesterday, also, Richie and I were talking on the phone and he mentioned that he noticed that I had lost weight the other day when I undressed. Nice, he noticed! Me likey :)

This morning, Day 3, I got up and did TB1 and Ab Sculpt. That damned Shaun T lied when he said you didnt have to get on the floor to do his workouts. But it was fine. I managed and did everything sufficiently. Practice makes muscle! :)

That's all for now! Talk to you later!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2011-01-05T15:44:00.000-05:00

WOW, it's been a long time since I posted anything here! I am SURE no one is still around but I will post anyway!

Things are great! Life is great. God is AWESOME!

I like how I look in this picture. Alive and enjoying life!

So what's good with you?

The Random

2010-08-16T16:49:00.000-04:00

I didn't have any deodorant to put on today. I will rectify that right after work.

I want a career change. I've prayed on it and will update my resume this week.

I painted on canvas for the first time in months this past weekend. I missed it so.

I love my iPhone and want to upgrade to the 3Gs. I will not get #4. Too many problems.

My son broke my camera this summer. I am sad about it.

But I will get the new Nikon CoolPix 4000 something. Yes I will!

I am still decorating my house but I am in no rush.

I ordered Hip Hop Abs because I wanna have fun in the AM with Shaun T.

Yes, I really ordered it. I can't wait to start.

I wanna quit my job and recharge for a few months but I can't.

I need to go back to school but really can't afford it.

This may sound bad to some, but I finally blasted into my oldest daughter and it felt good to finally let it out.

I have prayed and will continue to do so and speak to God about the next steps in that situation.

God is awesome and I am so glad He loves me!

I miss you all! That is who all is still checking my blog to see if I post before they delete me altogether!

Peace!
Charisse

Because HE Makes It All Good In HIS Time....

2010-06-15T14:32:00.000-04:00

To The Father, I give all the Glory! He is indeed, a way-maker and a miracle worker.

All three of my kids graduate this month (high school, junior high and elementary)

My oldest invited me to her graduation in Delaware on June 6th.

I called my sister and wept right into the phone from happiness.

I thanked the Father for his blessings.

I drove straight there after we moved from the old apartment to the new one.

My oldest let me hug her and give her a big kiss (my heart was over the moon!)

This morning, she sent me a friend request on Facebook and we are now "friends".

Today is my son's 15th birthday.

He is so handsome and smart.

He was offered a summer job with my company.

He graduates on June 23rd.

My youngest is growing up great too.

She is so pretty and smart.

She is graduating on June 24th.

I wish she could get a job too but 10-1/2 year olds only get to go to camp! LOL

My Love is awesome to me and my children and I am happy.

The dog is doing well too :)

That's the glory in my days so far this month.

Talk to you later,
Charisse

The Return of Real Women and Singing

2010-06-14T10:12:00.000-04:00

This weekend I fell in love with Toni Braxton all over again! I am relieved that she has gotten over the "trying to compete with the young girls" phase she was going through and found her niche! To me, this video and this song screams "Yeah, we been together a long time, but I can still put it on you better than them young girls 'cause I am a grown woman who knows you inside and out!!! Now go home to your wife and love her with all you got!" Thanks Toni.

That's it for now. Enjoy!

Goodbye Projects

2010-05-03T16:17:00.000-04:00

Guess what? I am moving! Moving! After 12 years in NYC public housing a/k/a Da Projects, I am finally moving out. Now it's not into anything fancy or even into my own house, but I feel like I am stepping back into the real world. Now there are a few things I will miss, like cheap rent and not paying for gas & electric, but I need to make this change. My youngest has always lived here and my son doesnt remember living anyplace since we moved here when he was 3. It is time for them to know different things and experience new things.

The area isnt far from where I am now but it is busier. There are more people because it is near a major shopping area/transportation hub. I like that the kids will learn how to travel for real now since they will have to take 2 buses to get to their schools, since neither of them wants to transfer away from their friends. It is time for them to grow up and for Mommy to loosen the apron strings j u s t a little bit!

The move-in date should be June 1st, officially, but we signed the lease for May15th. You know I have to get in there and do my cleaning and some painting, and light my candles and say my prayers for blessings in the new space. That is a MUST!!! I need to go to the botanica and get a candle and some Florida water. Who knows about that, huh?

Anyway, so I just wanted to let you all know what is going on. Well whomever still reads my blog! LOL

Have a blessed day!
Charisse

My heart is breaking again but it's truly a God thing this time!

2010-04-16T15:29:00.000-04:00

I don't really want to talk about it. I just needed to say that.

Peace and blessings,
Charisse

Pole Party Fun

2010-03-13T10:21:00.000-05:00

I had a really good time at the pole party. The instructor came in and installed the pole right in the middle of the living room. I have to verify that it was indeed very sturdy! A couple of the girls were talking about getting poles themselves, for their bedrooms. Um, not me though! It is not that serious for me! LOL Here are some of the pictures!

Pole Installation in progress.

This one here is a hot mess. I just met her that night. LOL

This is my girl, Romanetha.

It was a good time, and kind of awkward too because it was Romanetha's niece who was throwing it and I have known her all her life. She's 24 now with a kid of her own. My, how time flies!

So there you have it. I am signing off now. I am taking the kids to the American Museum of National History to get the heck out of the house on this rainy, windy Saturday. Have a good one!

xoxo

Charisse

Time for Some Art Love

2010-02-25T08:41:00.000-05:00

I want to share some of my art with you so here is a link to my YouTube video highlighting my most recent art journal. I hope you enjoy it.

Browsing My Art Journal

Talk to you all soon!
xoxo
Charisse

I took a break...

2010-02-18T12:56:00.002-05:00

and forgot to let you guys know. Sorry. Things have been good lately. I got a car! Yay! Her name is Hazel and she is a 1994 Toyota Camry. She is ol' skool and funky like me, and I am beside myself with joy! It is taking a little getting used to since I have been riding EVERYWHERE with Love for the past 6 months. He was super excited about not having to drive me and pick me up now, and not going to miss me and all of the BS! Yeah right! Since I have been driving, he calls me at work j u s t before I am getting off and keeps me on the phone as long as possible, so he can track my ass! I am hip to it! I ain't no fool! No, no, my man, you will not pin me down! LOL I think it's cute though, and funny as hell! Men are so stupid sometimes!

And then they can be so very sweet and awesome and great! This is what I came home to one day last week. No, it was before Valentine's Day and just sitting on the bed, waiting for me to come home! Love bought her to replace the simple white piggy bank I have on my nightstand. She does look better there than the other one, but I can't let go of the other one, so I have both there! Silly of me, yes I know!

So, you know I live in the northeast and we got hit big time with the snow. There were two storms and the Bronx was missed with the first one, but the second one definitely made up for it! This is what came down the other day and I have to say, I love it. I live in the 'hood and there are good and bad points to it, especially in the projects. But when everything is covered and the trees are all puffy and light looking, I imagine this is Main Street USA with the super friendly and helpful neighbors and all that stuff you see on TV. It definitely warms my heart and makes me think of innocence and being a child again!

On March 6th, I am going to a pole party. What is a pole party, you say? Well, I had to ask the same thing and when I was told it is where you learn how to entertain your man and work the pole, ala strip club, I was like, "I wanna go!" Add to that food and drinks, and I am ready! I'll let you know how that goes, for sure!

That's all for now. Hope you all are doing well and putting a little bit of spice in your own lives!

Love ya, Charisse!

Goings on around here....

2010-01-18T10:01:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone! How are y'all doing? Me, I don't good, could complain about some things, but all in all, I am blessed and happy to have another day to call my own.

I got back most of the stuff the oldest took from me. Her school sent it back. My little one was happy to get her camera back. She asked if her oldest sister "didn't really take it?", but I did not lie to her. I told her the truth, "she sent it back". Straight to the point and no more sugarcoating. I don't want to dwell on this situation any longer so let's more on, shall we?

My goals list is being worked on for sure. I have made a workout plan for myself and I am following it. There is room for error and unexpected changes, but all in all, I am following it. I have 5 TaeBo videos that I have to get through. I have to do each of them 3 times a week for four weeks. I just finished week one of the first one. The results are going to take time and I am giving myself time to get the results. It's as simple as that!

I havent gotten back to the Ailey Center yet but I will. Trust me, I will.

I am going to scrapbooking crop this Friday night. I am looking forward to it.

I am still working on my book of the month, Paradise by Toni Morrison. It is kind of dragging but I am determined to finish it.

That's it for now.

Talk to you all soon!
xoxo
Charisse

Liars, Thieves and a Child's Heartbreak

2010-01-06T15:17:00.000-05:00

Let's get right to it, shall we?

My oldest daughter saw my youngest daughter at the ex's house over the holiday weekend and tricked her into giving up her housekeys on the promise of new clothes. The ex found out and instead of taking the keys away, he made the oldest promise not to do anything "crazy."

Um, who was it that said if you have to tell someone don't do something, you know they WILL do it?

Anywho. So, the oldest comes to my house with her girlfriend and proceeds to STEAL clothes, shoes, boots, money, a camera and most of my handbags. She leaves the keys under the youngest's pillow as promised and proceeded to walk out of the building, carrying 2 large bags of stolen goods, and right past Love with a snide remark, who doesnt realize what has happened until we both get home later that night and put 2+2 together!

How do you deal with a 10 year old little girl who loves the ground her big sister walks on and now has her heart shattered by lies? How do you deal with a 17 year old woman who thinks nothing of manipulating and lying to get something that she could have just asked for? If she had been a 27 year old crack addict, then you know how to wrap your brain around it. When it's a 17 year old who wants to do as she pleases but wants to hurt her mother for some unknown reason, I am stumped.

I filled out a police report. I called and cursed the ex and told him I would have him charged with accessory to burglary. I spoke her school's principal, guidance counselor and school police officer. Most importantly though, I spoke to God and I need to speak to Him some more because, although I am getting tired of thinking about it, I still need His guidance to make the right decision on what to do next!

Needing some prayers, please
xoxo Charisse

My Word for The Year

2010-01-05T15:28:00.000-05:00

Pursue

Verb

1. Carry out or participate in an activity; be involved in; "She pursued many activities"; "They engaged in a discussion".

2. Follow in or as if in pursuit; "The police car pursued the suspected attacker"; "Her bad deed followed her and haunted her dreams all her life".

3. Go in search of or hunt for; "pursue a hobby".

4. Carry further or advance; "Can you act on this matter soon?".

I am definitely happy in knowing that this word is the closest I could find to explain what I want to do with the rest of my life. I tried 'engage' and 'involve' but they didnt feel right. PURSUE is right!

Here's to Twenty Ten!!
xoxo
Charisse

Happiness is....

2009-12-30T14:31:00.000-05:00

Eating homemade baklava at work *yum*

The kids at their families' for the holiday week :)

Getting the Wii Active Personal Trainer for Christmas

New candle and soap purchases from Patrice

Love and I talking and sharing this week, and realizing that, at the end of our everyday, it's all about us.

Going to the club around the corner from my house on New Year's and being able to walk home afterwards

Having the next four days off of work (and last week too!)

Knowing I will be moving out of the projects in the spring!

Deciding that losing 5 pounds a month for the next year sounds much more achievable than saying 60 pounds

Having Love ask me if I want to work out with him in the new year to reach our fitness goals.

Envisioning myself in a bikini on the beach with my Love and his matching six-pack.

Reaching for each one of my goals for my life and being more willing to participate in it!

Sending hugs and kisses to my online friends!

Enjoy the holiday, see you in the new year!
xoxo
Charisse

Glimpses of My Weekend....

2009-12-17T09:21:00.000-05:00

- Being in NYC early on Saturday morning before the hordes of tourists arrive.

- Falling in love with dance again at the Ailey Extension, even though I was unable to participate because my morning business meeting ran over time. (I did speak with the instructor after class was over, who confirmed that I hadn't missed anything and can start anytime I want to!)

- Remembering that walking around NYC is one of the best exercises you can do for my mind, body and spirit.

- Realizing again that the subway is your friend, no matter how much I hate going underground.

- Eating at a restaurant which serves healthier, Greek-inspired food and wishing I was eating at Zoe's Kitchen in Patton Creek in Hoover, Alabama, again (Hey Adrienne!). I wish they would open one here in NYC and even wrote to Zoe's a couple of years ago about that. (Yes I did, Adrienne, and they said it wasn't in their forecast! Blah!) They aren't even interested in coming up north! Double Blah!

That's all for now.
xoxo Charisse

Catching Up With My Life....

2009-12-08T18:18:00.007-05:00

So, the visit in NC was absolutely great! There was NO drama, if you can believe it. Brother T's wife is very nice and I can see where she may clash with the Love's oldest sister, but it isn't that bad. It really didn't turn out in a bad way at all. I enjoyed myself and really like North Carolina. I may move there in the future.

Lately, I have been feeling like I have nothing to be passionate about. Nothing to look forward to, nothing to do, period. Oh, I do have my art and I am just now getting back into creating a couple of things in my art journal, but nothing has really moved me. I have been uninspired. That is until, I was watching a commercial for "So You Think You Can Dance", and then it hit me. Well, it hit me AGAIN!!! Let me explain.

My first love was dance. I found dance in elementary school through a wonderful teacher named Mr. Goode. Mr. Goode taught modern dance after school when I was in 5th and 6th grades and I fell in love with participating in dance. I used to go to the library and check out the same book about The Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater over and over because I loved looking at the pictures and dreamed of being Judith Jamison performing "Firebird". I was so into dance that I was able to obtain a full summer scholarship to the Dance Theater of Harlem and even attended after school when school resumed that year. Unfortunately, BOYS entered the picture and there was no real looking back for me. Life came up and grabbed me and I put all aspirations behind me.

I had found out in recent years that the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater offers dance classes for 'regular' folk and have been planning on taking classes since but haven't gotten around to it yet. Every couple of months I check the schedule looking to see what classes I would like to participate in and always make plans to go register, but did not do it. Well, that time has come and I ABSOLUTELY INTEND to take a class this coming Saturday and will continue to do so as a part of living my OWN life for a change! I plan to take the "Beginner West African" and "SharQui Bellydance" classes. I am nervous but I am looking forward to doing something for myself.

I have decided that I need to make some goals for myself because I feel like I am just existing and stagnating, wasting time that I will not get back. I am inspired by quite a few of you and because you are my friends, I have decided to share that list with you so that I can be held accountable.

1. Dance classes 2x a month - because I need to follow my core passion and move my body and connect with others who feel like I do about moving and expressing myself with music.

2. Workout 3x a week at home - because I have no excuse and I am tired of looking at my body and being unhappy with what I see. I wanna look like Serena Williams and that ain't gonna happen by osmosis!

3. Learn to sew - because my mother never let us touch her sewing machine and I really would like to make pretty things, like Adrienne and Patrice.

4. Scrapbook at crops once a month - because I need to get out and be inspired by others who share my interests.

5. Read at least one book a month - because a lot of times, I feel like I don't have anything to talk about and I think my mind is shrinking.

6. Get my face made up professionally at the MAC store once every 3-6 months - just because I wanna see what I would look like all done up and perty!!! LOL

I turn 40 next September 22nd and that is the date I intend to accomplish all of these goals listed. I also intend to do other things too but this list is the main one!

Do you have anything you have wanted to do but havent gotten around to? Well, join me in my quest and let's do this together! Rent Julie & Julia too. It was a really good boost to my motivation.

Love y'all
Charisse

Holiday Travel and Some Randomness for Good Measure

2009-11-23T16:13:00.000-05:00

Heading south again but this time, no funerals! The kids, Love and I are heading to North Carolina to surprise Love's brother. Love's brother had gastric bypass surgery some years ago. He, unfortunately, had complications and ended up gaining more weight and dealing with an open wound for a few years now. He went to several specialists and had surgery this past summer to finally repair the trouble spot. Love decided he wanted to go visit him since he has never been to this brother's house before and so we will be there for the Thanksgiving holiday.

Although I have been around Love's family for about 20 years, I only met this brother "T" when I went to Georgia for their mom's funeral. He is married with 2 beautiful girls and is a good man that I can tell. I have heard rumors about his wife though that give me pause.

Example No. 1, a neighbor of Love's other brother "C" cooked a spread of food for his home and for visitors for after the funeral. Well brother "T", his wife, their kids, her mom, her sis and her niece were staying at brother "C"'s house. Instead of being grateful for the gift, T's wife went out and bought her family Popeye's chicken. Umm... how you do you say it?

"Houston, we have a problem!!"

Now I was there. I ate the food and it was slammin'!! I met the neighbors and they are good people. I saw the Popeye's chicken but didnt put it all together until the above was told to me.

Example No. 2. I spoke with said wife to finalize our plans to stay her home and sleeping arrangements and such. She was fine with it and made a couple of comments about "that older sister". Love's older sister is an attorney who at most times acts a big "Bourgie" but is alright with me 'cause I really don't care! Older sis is staying at the Marriott. Well, when Older Sis and Love spoke about the arrangements, Older Sis' comment was "Better you than me!"

Me feels a bit of dram-uh may be in the works.

But I am all for it 'cause I will have a front row seat! I'll give y'all the details when I get back on Monday!

Now the Random:

- My son has a little girlfriend who has his nose wide open and they are burning up my telephone line!

- I was thinking about doing the Master Cleanse after reading Sasha's blog and doing some research but I know I will definitely have to ease myself into that because I would go into shock going from super junk food to some damned lemonade! Slow and steady, slow and steady!!! LOL

- I will be moving out of the projects within the next 3-4 months and I am so excited! Granted we will be paying twice the rent but you know what? Peace of mind in knowing that you don't have a million M-Fers in one building all on top of each other and miserable is what I look forward to for my children. Little Momma has always lived in the PJs and my son was 3 when we moved in. It is time to go!

- I need to make some crafty friends to hang out and create with because my mojo is out of the window and I can't justify buying art supplies anymore.

- I might be getting laid off soon. Kind of looking forward to it, to be honest, but I am terrified all the same!

- I miss my oldest and although she is not speaking to me, I know she misses me too. Even though she "unfriended" me on Facebook, she hasnt blocked me from her MySpace page or her YouTube channel yet, so I take that as a sign of hope!

- I have found a new spot to get my hair done. The Dominican lady at my old spot was the BOMBBBB!!! But I hated having to be in there first thing in the morning and she wouldnt show up for 4 hours or longer! She is a spirit-filled, lovely person but that is just too long! Plus it was way too far away and that aint working since I don't have a car anymore! There is one much closer to me that just opened recently and they do hair almost as good as her. I will take 2 hours start to finish over waiting 4 hours anyday!

Make sure you all have a wonderful holiday and be safe, alright!

Love and kisses and a big Gobble Gobble to you!!
Charisse

Mothering

2009-11-11T11:35:00.008-05:00

I blame my mother for nothing, but forgive her everything - Mary J. Blige

This quote makes my heart sad and hopeful at the same time. Throughout history, all across the world, the general concensus is that whatever problems you may have, it all goes back to your mother! Your mother! My mother! Her mother! Their mother!!

We mothers have so very much to deal with and as we all know, there is no handbook, course or study material for the "real" life of a mother. Oh, we can read all types of books on parenting a healthy child, what to and not to do, but being a mother entails more than helping you learn to tie your shoes and say "please" and "thank you".

Let me tell you about my mother. Bernice was 36 years old by the time she had me, her first live born child, in 1970. She had 3 miscarriages before me and based on the stories she told me, she really wanted me! I love that!

My mother was not married to my father and had to contend with him questioning whether I was really his child because I didnt look anything like him, 'cause I was light-skinned with chinky eyes and good hair. He said I looked like the "Chinese laundry man's baby. " Bernice, of course, cursed my dark-chocolate skinned, skinny, older father out about it. My younger sisters, as you can see, came out looking more like him.

My grandfather told her that he should have been glad that he could still produce a child as old as he was. My father was 17 years older than my mother.

She was his mistress for 20 years and had 3 children by him. She claimed she couldn't stand his black ass, but I know that she had to be madly in love with him to stay around for that long. I remember they used to go on dates from time to time. He never lived with us and when I questioned her about that later, she said that he had a very high sex drive. Of course, that made me think that she thought he may try to touch one of us girls inappropriately, but I never asked her outright. It would have dug too deep. I do think, however, that she may have been sexually abused or assaulted when she was younger and so she just didnt trust any man around us.

My mother raised us by herself. I only remember seeing my father 3 times a year, at most. Bernice was a nurse who worked hard to take care of us but was bad at managing money to a certain extent. Looking back, I can see where the money went, but I also see a better way of handling it. She did her best though and I can only respect that. My father didn't give her money for support because he didnt really acknowledge us. It's deep.

So my mother did her best. She taught us how to handle ourselves as ladies. How to sit on a couch instead of plopping down. How to cook, how to clean, how to be respectful to our elders. She even taught us how to drink by allowing us to drink at age 15, but only in the house with her so she could monitor how each of us would react to alcohol. It was only rum and coke or wine coolers, but she taught us how to handle our liquor and when to say enough is enough. She slow-walked us through make-up and high heels and smoking and boys. She had set ages at which we could do all those important things and it was a good method because by the time we could do all of them, they really had lost their appeal. (Except the boys!!! LOL Boys are always appealing!)

She did all of this but now I wonder, who was taking care of her? As I look at my life focused on my children, I see where there are people here and there to pull me out of my own head. My mother had a few but not as many as I do. She didnt go out with her girlfriends. She didnt hang out at the clubs. My mom was always there. ALWAYS THERE! It is amazing how much we cherish as we get older but don't see when we are in the midst of it. I appreciate that she got all of her partying out before she had us (as she put it). I do wish she would have been more active and outgoing when we were coming up but she made her decision and that was that.

I hope that my children appreciate that I am still learning but doing my very best to take care of them and myself. I have made mistakes and done things I regret but my children always come first, as it was with my mother and as it always should be for all mothers!

Thank you Mommy.
xoxo
Charisse

In Memory of My Friend

2009-10-29T13:12:00.003-04:00

My friend, my cousin, Ms. Cynthia Berry, lost her battle with cancer on Monday, October 26th, just before her 39th birthday! She was a beautiful, purpose-filled woman who spent her final days how she wanted, at home with her children.

Cindy was so driven to succeed in whatever she set her mind to. She spoke fluent Spanish. She went to college and then law school, graduating at the top of her class each time. She worked in the legal field and when she bored of that, she switched to the real estate field, where she excelled with ease. She also dabbled in the music business in her "spare" time, songwriting and managing musical acts, and organizing fashion shows.

Aside from her professional life, she was a good friend and loved her family most of all. She has been to almost all of the family events for each holiday for the past 7 years, without only a slight glitch, which she was highly upset about. She loved spending time with her cousins, from the oldest to the youngest. Her older daughter and my youngest daughter are inseparable when they are around each other. Cindy made sure that family stayed connected. It was very much her focus in life.

She was in Stage IV and taking the radiation treatment but that wasn't enough. I kind of knew from our conversation last month that she wouldn't be around to spend Thanksgiving with us this year, but I was hopeful! When Love and I made plans to go down south this year, it was in my thoughts that it would be my first time not being home and not having her around for the holiday. Now I know that deep down we both knew she wouldn't be around for the holiday. I do have to respect the fact that she chose to be home with her kids, and do things on her own terms. The type of person she is would not allow her to be stuck in a hospital bed, not being able to enjoy her last days.

Cindy had my back from the first day we met. She was around when I went through a lot of mess with the ex, Moe but mind you, she is Moe's cousin, not mine! She had no problem telling him when he was wrong and that he messed up. When she met Love last year at Thanksgiving dinner, and Moe called, she let him know that although she was his cousin, it was his fault that he wasnt there, not hers, and that she wasnt going to miss out on my cooking because of his stupidity. Then she told Moe that she liked Love and that it was Moe's loss! That was my girl!!! She pulled no punches.

Ms. Cynthia Berry is preceeded by her father and older sister, both to cancer. She leaves behind her mother Hazel, her 10 year old daughter, 3 year old twin daughter and son, and a very large extended family here in NY.

Kiss your loved ones who are close, and call the ones who are far.
Every day is a present, enjoy the gift!

xoxo
Charisse

My Favorite Things in Pink

2009-10-22T16:30:00.000-04:00

Pink Roses!!

Pretty Pink Girly Bedrooms

Creating Beauty with My Own Hands!!!

xoxo

Charisse

My Days Lately

2009-10-16T17:07:00.000-04:00

-I had to take the day off yesterday to handle some important business with regard to my living situation.

-I wasnt feeling well this morning and something kept telling me to stay home but I ignored it and got on the bus because Love couldnt drive me. I had just taken yesterday off so why would I take another day, a Friday off, you know. Need to put my best foot forward to keep my job! Well, when I got there, I started feeling worse and my supervisor looked at me and said that I should go home! Um WOO HOO! Thank you! I texted Love and asked if he could pick me up and he came about 45 minutes.

-Although I can get to work on the bus pretty easily, it is hard during midday because the bus directly to my house only runs during rush hour, morning and night. So good thing Love drives for his job and has different routes and was able to come get me. He dropped me right off and went on his way with only a little delay! I came straight upstairs, undressed and got right in bed. I slept for about 2 hours and felt much better afterwards.

-I feel like painting and creating something pretty! I cleaned my art area the other day in anticipation of my mojo coming back and I think it worked! Whatever I start, I will show you all.

-My iPhone is so cool and I enjoy it very much. Here is a picture to share with you all!

This is my gynecologist on the fishing boat with us 2 weeks ago! LOL

Looking pretty to go see Maxwell in concert!!

Talk to you all later!!!

xoxo

Charisse

What I'm Grateful for TODAY!!!

2009-10-07T16:46:00.000-04:00

-My beautiful children, even though the boy has, yet again, forgotten to call me to let me know he is home.

-My puppy dog, Miss Rose, who is spoiled, needs a good brushing and is oh so affectionate.

-Getting a ride to and from work most days from this man, laughing and being friends to each other, being in love with each other and wondering every day we see each other if we should or should not be together for life.

-Waking up this morning and thanking the Father for all the blessings, good tidings, love, stress and this LIFE in general!

Love y'all

xoxo

Charisse

Posting Pink for the "Girls"

2009-10-01T08:46:00.001-04:00

For my beautiful baby girl who is such a blessing and light in my life.

For her big cousin Cindy Berry, who is in Stage IV and defying the odds placed on her living every day!

Her will to live is much stronger than your statistics and we all knows that GOD is a healer!!!

She WILL be at my house Thanksgiving this year with her kids and her mom, just like the past 7 years!

Because we WILL find a cure way before we give up!!!

xoxo
Charisse

Go Mommy, It's Your Birthday......

2009-09-22T16:37:00.000-04:00

Yup, it's my birthday!!!
I am celebrating the 10th Anniversary of my 29th Birthday!
Do the math. I'll wait.......
Got it? Yeah, I thought you would! LOL

Thank you in advance for the birthday wishes.

Last night, the kids were acting mighty suspicious but I left them alone to do the things they needed to do. I was actually grateful for a little time alone while I cooked dinner. Love called me to tell me he was picking up the kids and so I knew there were surprises to be had today.

This morning, I get a text message from Love saying Happy Birthday. Then he comes over and gives me a large canvas (24" x 48") to paint on. I had dropped a hint that it was something I wanted a couple of months ago. Nice to know he listens : ) I can't wait to just go crazy with it and create something with my heart. I intend to make something to go on the wall over my bed or my dresser.

When the kids get up, I am told to go into my room and finish getting dressed. Then they come in with Little Momma first handing me a card. It is so sweet and one of those pop-up cards, which I love! I notice that my son is holding an AT&T bag with a bow on it. He hands it to me and I look at it funny because it is flat. LOL I look inside anyway and find a receipt, which Love quickly takes from me, saying "No, not that. Look again!" I open the bag all the way this time and find two AT&T gifts cards, $100 & $25. Little Momma says, "That's for your iPhone!" WHATTTT???? Talk about shocked!!! Love says that they tried to buy the phone for me at the store but couldn't because the account holder has to buy it! That is enough money to buy the 8G one and an accessory! I feel so special!!! It is one of those things that I said I wanted but then was like, "What would I do with it? I don't talk to that many people." But now, I will be doing more research on exactly what I CAN do with it and go pick it up by the end of the week! Y'all need to email me your phone numbers and stuff 'cause I am gonna call you from my new phone when I get it! LOL

I think I may add the extra $75 and get the 16G because it is the newest one!

At work, I got a cake in the conference from some of my coworkers and that is always fun!

On Facebook, I got a BUNCH of birthday wishes and I am hoping they havent stopped yet! The day isnt over until midnight, you know! I love birthday wishes! They make me VERY HAPPY!!!

I don't know what tonight will hold but I am grateful for so much anyway that I am sure just sitting on the couch, watching TV with the kids will be perfect!

Love should be here in a little bit to take me home so I can spend the rest of my "born-day" with my loved ones. Maybe some more cake, a little ice cream, a bunch of hugs and kisses and more research online about the iPhone! LOL

Have a happy y'all, I know I am.
xoxo
Charisse

Monday Monday.....

2009-09-21T15:02:00.000-04:00

How are y'all this morning? I am good and blessed. Here is a recap of my weekend....

-Morgan State beat Winston-Salem in overtime. It was a good game.

-The Bands are the BOMB!!! I loved all the music and the choreography!

-I didnt know that so many people hang out in the parking lot, as many who were inside, were outside! LOL

-I only saw one fool walking around with a huge hat and a WWE wrestling belt. Not too much foolishness out there. I was disappointed!!!

-I ran into relatives of the ex-hubby (Moe), who were all too happy to take pictures of me and Love to rub in Moe's face later. These are grown men too! They are worse than women!

-I spent the night at Love's place on Saturday night and on Sunday morning, about 7am, there was a knock on the door....then another knock. Hmm, who could it be? Parole officer or a woman? I say woman.  So I look out the window and see girlfriend walking to her car while Love goes out the front door.  She gets out of the car when she spots him and I get dressed and walk out there, straight to where they are standing. I ask "What is this?", to which Love says to her, "This is Charisse". She says hello and looks to Love like he is going to save her from something. I ask again, "What is this?" and Love tells her he will call her later. She starts walking to her car and I say........ ('cause I am Charisse and ain't no F-ing slouch),

"Won't you come on in? You drove all this way. Come on inside!"

Love leads me away gently and asks me to not cause a scene in front of his house.

She is the one who he had been spending time with since July. She took him shopping and gave him money to buy the necessities for his room and bought his big screen tv for him. Yeah.....I know. Sugar mama. He told me that he hadn't spoken to her in almost 2 weeks, has not been answering or returning her phone calls.  I can believe it because he has been around me so much and a woman won't just show up like that unless she has a real reason to. He claims he is glad that now he is rid of her. I say, whatever! Of course, I cursed him out and let him know that I will NOT be a part of the game playing because it is too much of an emotional drain to go through, on top of what I have already gone through. I had already stopped calling him and started pulling away. He, of course, has latched on tighter to me in a way but I am proud to say that I have NOT spazzed out because of him and I don't want to. I have chosen to keep myself a bit removed from the drama that is going on.

So, it was a crazy day!

-Sunday was peaceful. I cooked ribs, collard greens and yellow rice and it was good, of course!

That's it for now. Talk to you later!
xoxo
Charisse

Month of Firsts For Me!

2009-09-18T12:01:00.015-04:00

September is a month full of surprises and firsts and good things in my life.

-We were on a reduced 32-hour work schedule for the summer and this week was the first 5-day week since May. I love getting a full paycheck again, but miss the day off.

-Tomorrow, I am going to the New York Urban League 38th Annual Football Classic. This is something I have always wanted to go to but only now have I decided to do it because my son loves football and I want him to see what it is like to play college football. Maybe he will be inspired to do better or maybe realize that it is not for him. Either way it will be an experience.

-I have never been tailgating, or major sports event before. Well...I have if you count seeing Dave Winfield and the Yankees at Yankee Stadium back in like, 1980-something. I was too young to appreciate baseball then but I was there.

-Thank you Adrienne for sparking that interest in me with your posts from the games you attend! I am sure I will have stories and pictures but I won't be able to elaborate like you do, Adrienne! You see the humor in EVERYTHING!!!

-I hear from my sister that the whole college football experience is awesome. I didnt go to college away so I have NO experience in that area. Good thing I spoke to her about it because I was gonna leave to get to Giant Stadium only 2 hours ahead of time and thought with a 2pm kickoff, we would be done by around 5pm. Uh, yeah, duh on my part! My bad....;)

-I turn 39 on Tuesday, the 22nd of this month and I am grateful to know that I still have SO much more to learn! When you are 19 and naive, you think that you will have all of the answers by 30. Ain't God great for constantly surprising us with His wisdom and world knowledge?

-I bought tickets to go see Maxwell at Madison Square Garden on the 28th too! I love him and although I feel like the number of songs on the new album could have been more, it is a good album. I am happy to say that Maxwell always delivers.

-My sister sells this "Tastefully Simple" stuff and she is working it out to get good and make a living off of it, for a second income. I have never been into those types of things because, well, I am lazy and don't like having to "sell" any product. I did not do well in retail when it was based on commission! LOL They fired me from that job after 30 days. That was torture and I was so happy to be let go! LOL

That's it for now. Talk to y'all later.

Enjoy your weekend.
xoxo
Charisse

My First Time Fishing.....

2009-09-14T13:31:00.000-04:00

and I had a wonderful time. We didn't get into "us" at all. We just enjoyed the day!

xoxo
Charisse

My Oldest is 17 and Other Randomness

2009-09-09T15:59:00.000-04:00

My oldest daughter turned 17 on September 2nd. I sent her an email and she responded that she would take my email into consideration and that she would not speak to me, ever. Um, ok you little ungrateful bitch!

Today is the first day of school for my younger two kids. At least they appreciate me and are grateful for what they have.

My 1998 Dodge Grand Caravan has officially kicked the bucket. I decided it wasnt worth replacing the transmission. She will be missed.

I will get a newer and better car in November. I am claiming The Father's blessings in my life!

Love has been driving me to and from work most days.

Yes, I can take the bus but when you are getting a free ride, why turn it down?

Speaking of free rides, why is it that Love has moved out into his own room but is at my house EVERYDAY, morning and night, almost like he never left at all?

Could it be because I never took the keys? Yeah, that be it!

I am adjusting to what it was like to be single again, somewhat.

Kind of hard to do that when a man keeps showing up in the morning and at night when he says he isn't coming over.

What did you say? Take back the keys? I heard you the first time.

The kids had a good day at school today.

I am making broiled turkey kielbasa and buttered pasta with sweet peas for dinner.

I took the bus to work this morning and will get a ride home tonight.

I was up at 5am this morning in order to get the kids up and ready for school and catch my bus.

The bus isnt really that bad.

I am going to run a luxurious bath for myself later with a yummy Patrice candles and soap and relax.

Talk to y'all later.

We Both Did 10 Years

2009-08-29T18:09:00.008-04:00

Him.... in prison.
Me.... in a bad relationship that turned to a bad marriage.

Since October 2007, when we started writing to each other, we have been a part of each other's everyday.

He came home in April 2008. In April 2008, I was separated for a year.

I encouraged and supported him emotionally while he attended training and employment for a new life. He encouraged me and supported me emotionally in moving past the internal scars of an mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive relationship, to my new single life.

I pushed him away so that he would be able to experience this world, find what he had been missing and live.

He pushed harder to experience it with me, said what he was missing was with me and he was living.

He said he wanted to take a chance. I got tired of pushing away the kind of man I said I wanted and decided to take a chance as well.

In my marriage, I gave myself fully and lost touch with who I am. He lost his 30's to a bad decision.

We are both scrambling to gain ground to make up for lost time. I get stuck in my own head, wanting to make sure I don't fall back into what I had in the past. He feels stuck thinking he is missing something in life.

What do I know today?

He moved into a room of his own, to experience it for the first time in his life.

It's only 5 minutes away from my house

I see him everyday. Everyday.

He risks his parole curfew in order to be here with me.

His mail still comes here.

He is getting my transmission fixed for me.

He is spending time with another woman as I type.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I found this beautiful quote on a blog last week and it is so appropriate.

"What you do speaks so loudly, I cannot hear what you say"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am in love still and I must be blind because I keep feeling like he loves me too.

Just pray for me, y'all.....
Charisse

Spazz Much???

2009-08-26T20:01:00.002-04:00

Well, this past month has been absolutely crazy! You know, where there is a man involved! Yeah, that kind of crazy! Can I get a prayer and a hug? I totally need a few! On the good side of it, I have lost a few pounds from the freaking stress but I have not cried so much EVER!!! That's what you get when you think THIS one is the ONE and you get a reality check, again! Now, I am not saying it is all completely over because, as these things go, it isn't completely over. It's getting there though. Been taking a month now and it is tiring to say the least!

I can't even say that I have my sanity intact because I feel like it is actually only hanging on by a string! I have spazzed out, cried out, sobbed, cursed, spazzed again, blocked him from leaving, kicked him out, packed his stuff, brought it back, loaded it up in my van and moved him. That is a lot! Did I mention that I have spazzed? Oh my goodness, I need to make that my credo, "Charisse Will Spazz, Just Give It Time!"

Honestly though, I am tired and emotionally worn out. Is it a phase? Maybe. Does he love me? I actually know he does. Is he worth waiting for? Nah, but it's hard to let go, you know. It is pressing on though, like waiting for that inevitable car crash! Like watching paint dry with fireworks goin on around you! Yeah, crazy, I know but that is what is going on right now in my life.

I sure do live up to my blog name, huh?

Love ya and please pray for me...
Charisse

Yeah, I've Been Away for a While But I'm Back Now..

2009-08-04T13:23:00.004-04:00

How have y'all been? Good, I hope. My last post dealt with me going to South Carolina for a funeral. All in all, it was a good visit. I spent time with my "family" and really enjoyed myself. I got to get out of NYC and I am all the better for it! I love travelling. It soothes my soul and gets the spiderwebs out of my mind.

But being as I am me, and my life is full of drama, I came home to some drama! Some with Love and some with my oldest daughter. I won't go into details but Love and I are still together and oldest daughter and I are still estranged. Such is this life I lead and the reason for the name of my blog!

Here's what I have been into lately:

I feel in love with the soap and beauty creations that Patrice is making and want her to hurry up and open her Etsy shop so I can buy some stuff.

My girl Christina is so very eloquent and she makes me wish I could just be around her every day waiting for her to share her knowledge and her nurturing spirit with me. Her kids and hubby are definitely blessed.

My creative juices are dry right now so I am loving looking at Sasha's scrapbook pages for inspiration. Hopefully my mojo will kick in soon!

Of course, I can't start or finish my day without being on Facebook! It is such an obsession. I went from having 6 friends to 96 friends in a matter of one week and I am now up to 199! I really didnt know I knew that many people but you know what, I LIKE IT!

Anyway, that is all for now! Talk to you soon!

xoxo
Charisse

Heading South Again........For Another Funeral (unfortunately)

2009-07-13T15:14:00.005-04:00

My Aunt Hazel died this past Saturday morning. I am heading to Georgetown, South Carolina via Charlotte, North Carolina on Thursday afternoon.

Hazel Linen came into my life in 1985 when her daughter and I met and became best friends in high school. Hazel was loud and bossy and skeptical of me but I won her over by being terrified of her! LOL After she felt me out, she welcomed me into the family wholeheartedly. I spent A LOT of time at their house, hanging out and having fun. Ms. Hazel allowed me in with no questions asked.

When my family ended up homeless and living in a shelter, she offered to let me move in with her family. My mother wasn't going to let us be separated but she appreciated the offer. I knew then Hazel loved me and that is when she became "Aunt" Hazel. I especially knew she loved me when on my 16th Birthday, she sent her daughter to school with a box full of candy and treats that she got from her job at the candy factory in the Bronx!

My first trip to the South was with Aunt Hazel. I went with her family to celebrate her parents' 50th anniversary. It was my first time traveling past New Jersey. She teased me about being "nice-nasty" while we cleaning up the little house she was selling down there. She laughed at my first experience with a little lizard that scared the mess out of me. She schooled me about not crossing the next door neighbors' front yard to get to the general store because it was "rude" and plus they were racist.

Aunt Hazel was never had a problem giving you her opinion and most of the time, she was right! She gave good advice and never steered you wrong. She was funny and happy and loved living life.

Aunt Hazel was there for all of my major life lessons....my first boyfriend, my first apartment, my first child. She congratulated me on my college graduation. She was happy if I was happy and full of advice and care when I called her for advice.

I visited her when I traveled to Georgetown to attend my best friend's wedding in 2002. She had pictures of me from high school and my college graduation and pictures of my children too.

When I married "Moe" in 2004, she had already retired and moved back home to Georgetown. She and Uncle John had car issues and couldn't make the trip but she sent my present in the mail. My sweet Aunt Hazel made my purse to hold my cards and my garter for my "something blue".

She was a very special person to me and I am glad that she loved me and allowed me into her life. I am blessed to have had her in mine.

xoxo
Charisse

You Rocked Our World! RIP Michael

2009-06-29T15:13:00.004-04:00

I don't know about y'all, but I am in Michael Jackson overload! I changed my ringtones to MJ songs. I downloaded Thriller and Off The Wall on iTunes and I am listening to them right now! I feel so happy listening to these songs and they really bring me back to my early childhood!!! His voice makes me so happy and I can't stop smiling!!! Are you feeling the same way? Is it just me?

I didnt see the BET Awards last night. I forgot the show was coming on. I did see Janet looking beautiful and real on the news this morning. To us, Michael was indeed a part of our life but he was their family, their brother, their uncle, their child. He was a person who was complicated and magical and so elusive and so distant to us regular people. He was their family, their heart!

He is with The Father now, wearing his wings and resting in peace from all the controversy, true or not. It is not for us to pass judgment on Michael any longer. It is up to us to praise his talent and music and humanity. It is up to us to remember that he was indeed a Black man who had issues, just like the rest of us and he has gone on to a better place.

I think he is in much better company, if you ask me!

RIP Michael and tell my mom I said hey!

xoxo
Charisse

My Son is 14 and other Randomness

2009-06-16T19:06:00.005-04:00

-My son turned 14 years old yesterday. He got 2 pairs for cleats from Love, two Under Armour shirts that help keep out the heat (?) from me, and $300 from his Dad! I would say that is a good birthday!

-Thanks to Facebook, I met up with one of my junior high school friends on Sunday and we had a blast catching up. She is also going to be a bad influence in telling me about these low cost wines that she found.

-Speaking of wine, I am not a drinker but there are just times when I need a little something to take off the edge. Hard liquor is too much and so I recently discovered wine spritzers. Yes, I am a softie, but spritzers are right up my alley. Now if this Seven Daughters wine and Yellow Tail wine that my girl told me about are as good as she says, I may not need to "spritz" them and can have them on chill when the time is appropriate. LOL

-I just held a newborn baby boy. I miss that feeling, that smallness, the innocence and helplessness. I didn't miss him taking a dump while I was holding him!

-I spend way too much money on iTunes but it's like a sickness! I don't want to take a chance and download a virus on Limewire.

-My favorite gospel song is "His Eye is On the Sparrow" and I think the best version is by Tanya Blount and Lauryen Hill from Sister Act II. It brings tears to my eyes everytime!

Well, that's all for now!

xoxo
Charisse

Saturday Music Mix

2009-06-13T18:38:00.005-04:00

-Teena Marie and Faith Evans definitely worked their new song "Can't Last A Day"! I HAD to get it on ITunes. Welcome back Teena!

-How many of y'all love Sylvester? I love his music....Do You Wanna Funk???

-Mary and George Michael singing "As". The video makes me want to hit up the club!

-Since the kids are wearing leggings and bright colors and copying the '80s, why not a little bit of Lisa Lisa?

-Last but not least, just a little extra FYRE for my sweet Christina and any of you who want a little bit of Sister Nancy!

Enjoy!
Charisse

Happiness Comes from the Simple Things.....

2009-06-10T07:18:00.009-04:00

-My son and his "first love"
-My daughter and niece striking a pose
-My Love and I
-Pictures lost and now found, thanks to family reconnections
-My mother and her girls (makes me happy and sad at the same time. Miss you Mommy!)

Thanks for the assignment, Christina! Luv you!

xoxoxo
Charisse

Online Friends are the BEST!!!

2009-06-05T09:50:00.009-04:00

So I got home from work last night and went about making my way from dropping groceries on the counter in the kitchen to saying hi to the kids, to saying hi to the dog and then going into the bedroom to change my clothes. I stop in the living room to turn on some music on the computer and notice a package addressed to me on the desk. I look at it and S M I L E because the return address is that of my "online" friend, the lovely Ms. Christina! I love that the mailing label says 'Christina Martin Photography" 'cause my girl is a SLAMMING photographer! Anyhoo, I open the package and see a beautiful journal notebook with cool graph paper inside and the outside reads "Be the change you wish to see in the world"! I love that quote! Then I see a card with a beautiful picture on the front and a handwritten little note on the inside from my girl! Just as I am about to sit and read the card again, I notice a red plastic bag at the bottom of the mailing envelope. Inside is the prettiest beaded bracelet with my favorite colors of peach, pink and brown to blend with my skintone and it fits my wrist perfectly without pinching! That's the absolute best part. Why?? Because even with thousands of miles separating us, from Milwaukee to The Bronx, Christina knows....
We fluffy girls like to wear pretty things too!

Thank you so much, Christina!!!

Family and Beach Fun!

2009-05-31T11:36:00.003-04:00

I took my first road trip with my sister, my 2 youngest and my niece to see our cousins in Winterville, North Carolina. They moved down there 2 years ago and it was my first time seeing them in about 4 years. I like where they live. It's really nice and cozy. It is on the list of places I would move too. We went to Atlantic Beach too and I truly enjoyed that! Gotta love the beach!

Is it me, or are the clouds lower in NC than anyplace else? They were absolutely beautiful!!!

Peace and love.
Charisse

Hey Y'all....Long time no see...Aint he FINE????

2009-05-18T15:30:00.005-04:00

I got a bunch of random stuff to talk about today...

-The trip to ATL ended up being extremely fun and happy time because we celebrated Love's mom's life! She was a fun woman and so her children and extended family had fun instead of wallowing in sorrow. The services were all held in Macon and we got together at Love's uncle's house to celebrate! Then we all went back to ATL and Love and I house-hopped to make sure we had everybody covered. The only downside was that Love was so overcome with emotion and pain when he saw his mom for the first time in the chapel that he punched the wall. His strong hand was no match for the brick, mortar and touch of asbestos in that old Macon funeral home. It swelled up, turned colors and everything. He went to the dr. when we got back to NY and they claim it isnt broken but wanted to wait until the swelling went down to exam it again. It is almost back to normal size and color, but still hurts. I can't wait until he takes x-rays.

-My oldest, Diva, has done what she wants to do and will continue to do so no matter what. She sent me a nasty email disowning me and disrespecting me, then posted a disrespectful note on my Facebook wall. I just responded to both by telling her that I love her and hope all is well with her. Her father was supposed to take over and do some stuff but it doesnt seem that way. He doesnt like to share things with me, and so I only know what I happen to find out here and there. I see that her little missives to me are actually very informative so I take them with a grain of salt and try to look for the good in them. At least I know she is alive! I figure that I will get served with some papers soon from her father, for either ceasing child support since she doesnt live with me, and/or custody. Either way he will lose so I am not worried.

-Love's daughter, Miss Missy, and my youngest, Little Momma, both had dance recitals this past week! They did so very well and I am so proud of both of them! I used to dance when I was younger too. I even went to the Dance Theater of Harlem for a summer when I was 13. I miss dancing and keep saying that I want to get back into it! I need to get off my ba-dunk and do it!

-Love and I like to get out early in the morning and spend quality time together, just talking and connecting to each other, getting coffee and sorting out our days. I feel that it is the most important thing we do to maintain our relationship with each other and I wouldnt trade it for another hour or so of sleep, as much as I may complain inside about really wanting to sleep later. LOL

-While on a morning run in ATL after borrowing his sister's car, I had this feeling, in my left ring finger. A feeling like I needed to have something on that finger and in my mind, I heard "someone" telling me that I needed to get that divorce that I have been putting off. The feeling was very strange, almost real, like a ring was actually on my finger and then having those words go through my head, it was very surreal. I later told Love that I would be work on getting the papers together so that I could be free from the ex (Moe) by the end of the year. Love smiled but didnt say a word. I told him that just in case he decided to propose to me when we hit 20 years together, I wanted to make sure I was free! LOL

Ok, that's it for right now y'all.

Peace and love..
Charisse

Going to the ATL.....but not for vacation :(

2009-05-04T09:14:00.005-04:00

Love's mother passed away on Friday, May 1st. He took it pretty well but I know from experience that it will truly hit at the funeral.

Ms. Margaret is a woman who raised 8 wonderful children, with lots of laughter and love. A woman who endured physical abuse and kept going strong. A woman who endured two of her sons going to prison and loved them the same. A woman who worked to provide when her husband was too ill to work and stayed dedicated and true until the day he passed away 10 years ago. A woman who was able to live a less strenous and leisurely life in Atlanta after her husband passed because of the children who brought her there and provided for her day in and day out to pay her back for the love and more she provided for them.

Before she became my mother in law, she was my best friend's mother. I spent a lot of time at their house, fooling around and hanging. Ms. Margaret was always there, cooking something, talking sense into us and making us laugh so hard that our sides would be sore. This is how I will always remember her. She was very no-nonsense and very sweet at the same time. A reflection of the life she lived and how life in general had treated her.

I respect her so much and now that she is gone, that respect will live on more and more each day because although I was in the family through her youngest daughter, I am doubly in the family because of being loved by Love.

She indeed gave me a blessing and I am eternally grateful.

Airline tickets to and from Atlanta, Georgia - $800
Cost of dog boarding that was quickly replaced by Plan B - $200
Having a Joyful Celebration in bright colors for Margaret Ann Reeves Sr. -
PRICELESS

It's Time to Let Her Grow Up....

2009-04-20T09:56:00.007-04:00

My oldest daughter is going through a major phase of rebellion at this stage in her life. She is 16 years old and a half, taller than me, beautiful and thinks she is all-knowing of the ways of the world. I have been the best mother I know how to be and yet it isnt enough for her. She is extremely disrespectful and feels that I have not been there for her somehow but she hasn't pinpointed exactly where. There are other issues as well that have affected our lives that have been out of our control, people coming and going through death, separation, life in general, but I have always been right there. She doesnt seem to think that is what is important. Thus, we got into a physical fight back in July 2008 wherein she found out that Mommy is Mommy until you swing on her and then Mommy reverts to "Risse from Da Bronx who may not like to fight but knows how to put the beats on dat ass when absolutely necessary!!!" So she had been living with my sister in Delaware since then to get herself together, make a fresh start and do better.

My sister is much more patient than me, more open in some areas and even her patience has been tested by my oldest. Oldest has disrespected her and shown rebellion but all in all, since oldest was stuck in Delaware with no place to go, she didnt go all out like when she was home with me. She even disrespected my sister's man and she still got to stay. (Keep this in mind for future reference)

So, after 8 months in Delaware, my oldest decided that she wanted to spend spring break with me and her siblings. I said fine, of course. She appeared alright but since I know her, I knew something had to be brewing and that she had ulterior motives. Within the first 2 days, she went and got her tongue pierced and didnt tell me. My son noticed something in her mouth and asked about it. Spot blown up! I did the lecture about disease and not asking permission and all and she was like, "well I wanted it". Yeah. Ok.

Well, when Easter weekend came, all 3 of my kids went to my ex's house and spent 3 days there. The oldest 2 came back on the third day and Little Momma stayed with her daddy for the rest of the week. Cool. My son gives me no real issues so it was fine for him to be at home. The oldest was spending time with her girlfriends and letting me in on every step. Progress, right? Well it all hit the fan on this past Friday when she lied and said she was with her friends and in the same conversation said that they werent with her. Ummm, what? "Ok, well be home by nine-thirty!", I said, to which she stated she would not be, and hung up on me. Yeah, ok...

So she spent the night out Friday night and Saturday night, with no contact. I was only slighly worried because I have been through 3 run aways with her and so the routine gets old. My sister called Sunday to confirm oldest's bus schedule and brought her up to date on the drama. She contacted oldest and spoke to her, asking her where her head was and why was she being disrespectful. My sister informed oldest that she should have learned something in the 8 months in Delaware and that oldest should call her back in an hour and tell her one thing, just one little thing she learned and then she would be able to return to Delaware, make amends with me and move on. Yeah, ok....

Oldest called her back 3 hours later saying she couldnt think of anything and my sister asked her what would be her forwarding address since she would not be coming back to Delaware. Oldest didnt even know what a forwarding address was. My sister told her to call me. Oldest called me and said "your sister said to call you". Mmmm, ok. I asked what was up and she told me my sister told her she couldnt come back to Delaware. I asked her what she was going to do and she said it was "up to y'all", to which I told her, no, it was up to her since she was making grown-up decisions and hung up on her. I havent heard from her since.

She has no clothes, no money, but she has her ticket back to Delaware and a cellphone with minutes on it to contact me, my sister, her father, her stepfather, and whomever else she needs to when the time hits.

As much as it hurts me, I have placed her in The Father's Loving Arms and put ALL of my faith in His divine plan for our lives. I cannot accept her disrespect and misguidance and I will be here waiting for her when she finally comes around.

Until then I am sad but not forsaken...
Charisse

Layoffs Suck!!

2009-04-02T18:20:00.002-04:00

No, I didnt get laid off,
but you couldn't tell me that I wasnt on that list this morning. It came as a total surprise this morning that people were getting laid off to begin with. It didnt matter if you were there 7 years or 1 year, cutbacks affect everyone. A total of 9 people got laid off today and it was sad to see 2 of my lunch buddies go. There had been a lot of closed door meetings going on but none of the "indians" knew the details. It finally culminated with today, from the Chief Operating Officer to the receptionist. Nine lives were affected greatly today and it was so totally sad.

There, but for the Grace of My Heavenly Father, go I.

Y'all know darned well that I was on my best behavior today, filing all my stuff away, organizing things and all that! I was so shook though. I just KNEW they were going to call my name!!! We lost one person in my dept, which was amazing.

In the afternoon, the whole company was called to a meeting to discuss the day's events. The little perk we get each morning of bagels and pastries? GONE!! The snacks and special flavored coffee? GONE!!

The biggest change will be hours being cut during a fifteen week period in the summer. Everyone in the company will work and only get paid for 32 hours. Thirty two hours of the 40 we normally work. Some people were upset but you know what? Thirty-two is just fine with me! It means I still have a job. It means I will still be able to put food on the table for my family. It also means that I will be able to enjoy the summer without having to take any vacation days and that means a lot.

So, I am counting my blessings and keeping my head to the sky! I am grateful!

xoxo
Charisse

Ode to the Street Mechanic

2009-04-01T15:29:00.004-04:00

Oh, Mr. Street Mechanic
with an obvious habit of taking things illegal,
thank you for your wisdom and expertise, as you are indeed
"The Front End Specialist".
While those who are unfamiliar with our culture would be
so very wary of you, we, your brethren, recognize
your fine abilities and appreciate your cheap prices.
You put the shops to shame, sitting outside your trailer
with the other "ol' skool" car specialists who sit and
take a taste everyday with you, watching over the
community, even if what you do may be considered illegal.
You diagnosed a bent left axle, sent us to the legal spot
to get the new part, told us to come back in 45 minutes
and only charged us $75. You even sent us to get the
rebate for the old axle. In your own words, my minivan does
indeed "ride like a Cadillac".

If you are ever in need of the best mechanic around the Bx,
just ask for Say-Hey and it shall be granted.

Amen,
Charisse

I LOVE PAPER

2009-03-18T15:21:00.004-04:00

I started scrapbooking in January 2005 after my last girlfriend in NYC moved to North Carolina and my then-husband told me that I needed to get a hobby because he wasnt going to keep me company. Yeah, wow! Despite the insensitivity, it was the best thing he could have said to me because I now have my artistic ventures and he was sent to his momma's house with what he came with, a plastic bag!!! (Kick Rocks Loser!!)

Anyway, thus began my love of paper. Scrapbooking papers are simply delicious! You just can't get enough of the colors, the designs, the textures, the countless coordinating combinations! I love it all! My first love was Basic Grey paper and I continue to love their unusual combinations and layers of color and pattern on each page. I also love old letter-type papers, like weathered advertisements and long lost love letters. There is a paper for each person out there, for each particular style a person may love.

My new love is Graphic 45's Fashionista and Communique lines. I love the bold colors and the vintage images! They are so vibrant and yummy! Me and Sassy Sasha got it bad! I ordered only one sheet of the Fashionista paper to see how good the color would be and I am stuck! They are so delicious! So now, I have to buy more!

Just wanted to let you all know just a little bit more about my hobbies, although with this one, I should be called more of a scrap paper hoarder than a scrapbooker!

LOL
Charisse

I Cried and So Did He...

2009-03-10T10:11:00.008-04:00

I forgot to tell y'all that I did finally get to my mother's grave. I didnt take the kids because it was on the way back from Delaware. I went down to sign papers so the Diva could get her driver's permit. They have driver's ed down there.

Anywho, The Diva is now speaking to me which is a blessing to my heart. My Love, aka My Best Friend's Brother, drove down with me so I had company. On the way back to NY, I told him that I wanted to visit my mom's grave. I had to call my sister to ask her to look up the directions for me since I havent been in the longest time. She told me the directions and we were on our way!

After getting off the highway, we go down the road to Rose Hill Cemetery in NJ. One thing I do remember is the section my mom is buried in so I direct Love that way. Once we get over there though, I don't know which headstone is hers. I wander around in the general vicinity and feel very ashamed that I don't remember where she is and I start to walk back to the car. Love is sitting there watching me, but not judging me as I was embarrassed enough. I decide to turn back around though, and look once more, and there she is, Ms. Bernice, waiting for me to come to Mommy. I stand there for a minute in a kind of shock, reading the headstone over and over again. I had forgotten what was written on it, even though I was the one who provided it. I reached down and touched her headstone and then picked up the dried out, dead flowers that I know my youngest sister left there on her visit a month ago.

Then I start telling Mommy that I'm sorry, apologizing to her and asking her to forgive me for being such a terrible daughter and that I have done a really bad job with the kids and how I wish she was there to help me and tell me what to do, with the tears and boogers flowing. Then I ask her to forgive me one last time and I hear in my heart that she already has because that is what mommies do. ((Sigh)) So I tell her that I miss her so much. Then I feel something near me and turn to see Love standing to the right, behind me, crying too. I walk over to him, wipe his tears away, look back at Mommy and tell her with my heart that I love her and that I will come back with the kids soon, and Love and I hug-walk back to the car.

A weight was lifted that day that was on my heart for a while. I feel more free and open since and it is a good thing.

I will bring the kids out there soon, when the weather is better and warmer. Now wouldnt not be good because I am scared the Mommy Mobile might give out on the New Jersey Turnpike.

I told you I make stuff..

2009-03-04T11:47:00.002-05:00

Find more videos like this on Mixed Media With Suzi Blu

I couldnt upload this to Youtube because it is too long so I uploaded it to my page on Suzi Blu's Ning Network! I hope you all like it. It ain't drunk painting like Adrienne gets to do ('cause I didnt go in the kitchen LOL) but it is fun!

Enjoy!
Charisse

Some Random Shots

2009-03-03T18:21:00.005-05:00

The first three pictures are from being in Harlem, on the way to the Studio Museum in Harlem where you CANNOT take pictures. Oh well, there was life to be seen anyway. The last picture is of me and Donna Downey, scrapbooking artist.

Later
Charisse

Shorty Wop, Mr. Spinks & The Camel

2009-02-18T14:52:00.014-05:00

So I got 3 Baby Daddies, right and they all have their own individual, personalized nicknames, but collectively they are know as "THE THREE STOOGES"!! Each actually personifies Moe, Larry and Curly too so it is kind of funny!

Like most girls, I never imagined I would have more than one father for my children but you know what, GOD's plan is what you follow when have all the facts!!! I know that now! I was in a long term relationship with two out of the three of them and so it wasnt one of those "mistakes" when I got pregnant. Each is happy for their child but Lord knows, you wouldn't know from their actions sometimes.

Mr. Spinks/Curly is the oldest one's father and he is quite the character. We met in '87 and had a tumultuous relationship that produced the Ms. Diva. Now, let me tell you, this man is not the best looking man. I mean, I thought he was good looking in his own way, but he was Far from "FINE". For example, when we were young, he got mistaken for Michael Spinks at a restaurant, and we got free food! Yeah, Spinks, as in the professional boxer, as in ugly! At the time he was very fit and muscular but now, he looks just like Curly (round and fat). LOL Anyway, Mr. Spinks was physically abusive and a serious cheater. Good combination, right? The man gave me a black eye when I was 6 months pregnant and was cheating on me with my co-worker. Uh, yeah, I made bad choices. Rihanna, can we talk? However, when Ms. Diva came, that was the ultimate catalyst for the end of our relationship. He decided to put his hands on me after I had warned him that it better not happen again. He even hit me while I was holding 5 month old Ms. Diva in my arms. I just took the hits and whispered in her ears that we wouldnt have to deal with it much longer. Ugghhh, yeah, just got a flashback but you know what? Once he left that day, he never came back! He has taken me to court over and over for visitation that he didnt show up for and currently owes me over $32K in back child support. But Ms. Diva is almost 17, beautiful and loved and that is all that matters.

The Camel/Larry was really good looking (6'3" tall, honey toned, about 210 pounds at the time), and we had one of those "in and out" relationships where he is into me for a few weeks, then disappears for a month and then shows up like no time passed. Yeah, craziness. I found out that he was out hustling, travelling state to state selling pharmaceuticals. Stupid ass! We had (and still have) this authentic and very real connection to each other, like we were meant to be in each other's lives, no matter what. We did the back and forth and I didnt really worry about him with other women but not spending real time together and him disappearing was really frustrating to me and I broke up with him at least twice that I remember. I ended up pregnant though and was going to get an abortion. I told The Camel and he came rushing to my momma's house and cried and begged me not to get rid of his baby! He promised to be there for me, not to disappear, to take care of me and like an ass, I believed him!!! Yeah, I believed him and our Poppa is going on 14 years old! The Camel is in and out of our lives as usual, but there is no doubt that he loves and adores his son (and holds an extra sweet spot for me). He is just as dense as Larry but his heart is in the right place, when he gets past the drama with his wifey! LOL Poor thing! Should have stuck around with me!

Shorty Wop/Moe was the one I ended up marrying and am getting ready to divorce. Why? Well the facade of leadership and strong personality was convincing for a while and I believed wholeheartedly. At the end though, he was dumber and denser than the other two but put up a really good front. He cheated, he lied, he manipulated, and together we created Little Momma, the baby. Our relationship was filled with all his other baby mamas and all the darned kids, and his BS but while he was with me, everyone was taken care of and he doted on all of the kids. Now that he is gone and still in denial about how bad things were, he does NOTHING for the kids and hasnt given me a dime in almost 2 years. His money was contingent on us being together, so nothing! That's alright though, 'cause Little Momma doesnt even ask about going to see him as much as she used to and is coming into her own. His loss, my gain!

So that's the story of Charisse and the Three Stooges for today and maybe one day, I will tell you about my life with Shemp aka My Best Friend's Brother aka The Man I am with now!

Peace and love!
Charisse

I got a PARKING TICKET in my OWN Parking Lot

2009-02-02T13:09:00.006-05:00

Some stupid officer was trolling the parking lot last night, during the last minutes of the SuperBowl and gave me a parking ticket for not having a permit. Um, Hello, I live there! I would punch him in the mouth straight away if I didnt deserve the ticket, but still, I LIVE THERE!!!

OK, OK, let me explain more. I live in the PJs and my complex has ample parking for residents, which is great. The spots aren't assigned either, which is cool. The downside is that the lot isnt gated, or monitored regularly, and poorly lit. The parking permit was $25 up until 2 years ago, which is a good price for a year of not parking on the street. One big problem was that instead of getting the stickers in January like we were supposed to, we would get them in March or April! UM, ok, there is a problem here. We would get tickets, and then fight them so much that the cops STOPPED ticketing us because it wasnt the fault of the tenants. Add to that, the fact that the snow and ice removal was half-assed, and you see potential for not getting a permit, but still $25 is not much.

Well, 2 years ago, they raised the price of the permit to $75. Yeah, $75 for the same half-assed service in snow removal, lighting, sticker problem, everything. I flat out refused to pay for the permit and have been parking in the lot free for the past 2 years! (I told you the cops stopped ticketing people!) So imagine my surprise this morning when my youngest pointed out the ticket sitting in my window as we headed out for the day! I was pissed!

HOW DARE THEY TICKET ME??? I LIVE HERE!!!
WHAT WAS A COP DOING PATROLLING A PARKING LOT AT 9:28PM INSTEAD OF OUT FINDING WHO KILLED SO AND SO'S SON, COUSIN, NEPHEW, ETC???
DON'T Y'ALL HAVE OTHER STUFF TO BE DOING, LIKE EATING DONUTS?
DON'T BE MAD 'CAUSE YOU HAD TO WORK WHILE EVERYONE ELSE GOT TO WATCH THE SUPERBOWL! WHY I OUGHTA...!

Yeah, all of that came to mind, and some out of my mouth, but at the end of the day, here it is....

I have a $60 parking ticket to pay because I now have out of state plates and am unable to get the parking permit that would allow me to park there hassle free.

I will park on the street because I know this dude is gonna be stalking my plates now!

Whatever!! :)
Charisse

Barack Obama is NOT the Messiah!!!

2009-01-21T16:26:00.003-05:00

That is what the young intern pastor said at Sunday's 11:00am service.

(I've actually been to church two times this year, more than I have been in the past 2 YEARS, but that's another story for another day!)

This young man got to stand in because the senior pastor was in Washington DC with the big choir to speak and perform at the African American Church Inaugural Ball and the Democratic Ball, celebrating Barack Obama becoming our 44th President.

This young pastor-in-training (Yale) drove in the snow on Sunday from Connecticut in order to deliver his wonderful sermon to stress to black folk that in Jesus Christ alone do we have a helper, advocate, counselor and comforter, not Barack Obama. President Obama is a helper in the White House for those who want help, advocate for those things that will be important for all Americans, counselor in those political arenas where he is Commander in Chief and comforter for his children and family. However, Barack Obama is NOT the Messiah!!

This young man will become better and better with time! I am very proud of his message!

Jesus Christ does not pick and choose who He loves! He does not require letters and politics and many many channels in order to be reached! Our Savior just needs you to call His Name and He will respond AT ONCE!!! Shoot, you don't even have to tell Jesus what you want, He already knows and will give it to you once you take Him into your heart and soul!

So my friends, Barack Hussein Obama is NOT the Messiah come to save the black folks and change the way whitey done treated us after all of these years!

My friends, President Obama is the prime example of what ALL of our parents have been saying to us for years and years and years and what we say to our children now and more so every day from now on!

"Look how far education and perserverence can get you! Stay focused and keep striving to be better than me! You can do ANYTHING if you set your mind to do it!"

The Dream is realized and will only stay that way with work from EVERYONE wanting to do what is necessary! Lazy will not longer be tolerated!

Peace and love,
Charisse

I Do Creative Stuff....

2009-01-12T08:51:00.005-05:00

I really do. I never told you all that I make art and that I scrapbook. Yeah...um...yeah, my bad. That is how I got into this whole world of blogging in the first place. I got interested in scrapbooking in January 2005 and it's been on and poppin' since. Found and "met" some great people online and actually got to meet a good amount in real life, like Adrienne and Yolanda, and Jaime, to name a few and just fell in love with the whole idea of being creative. I actually travelled to Alabama twice to attend the first 2 Scrap Etc. events (the first one was the best for me) and had a wonderful time all in all!!! To be honest though, I havent scrapped in about a year but I have been doing my art journalling and painting. I wish I could do some "drunk painting" like Adrienne does, but they don't have that here in NYC yet. Drinking in my house will have to do. LOL

I am taking a class with Donna Downey on February 7th too! I can't wait.

So, I thought I would just share that with you all, so you can get to see another side of me!

Check out my Youtube videos and laugh at me. I know I make terrible videos but that is the fun in it!

Peace,
Charisse

RESTORE, RECLAIM, RENEW & BE FRUITFUL

2008-12-31T10:44:00.003-05:00

Those are my words for 2009! They are what I need to do in order to get peace back into my heart and soul! I have been off-balance for a good while now, life and sickness got in the way, but I now know where my solution lies.

I "gots thangs" to do and places to go and I want to do them with enthusiasm, purpose and joy! I want to be bear lots of fruit instead of whining about why things haven't gone my way (Thank you Joyce Meyer!)

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control." (Galatians 5:22)

Fridays are made to be GOOFY!!!

2008-12-19T09:46:00.003-05:00

I found this through this website and figured I would share the love!!! Happy Friday!!!!

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

I Always Liked Her and Now I Find Out Why!!!

2008-12-17T11:29:00.005-05:00

I always admired Princess Grace, and thought she was the best Princess ever! Why do I bring this up? Well, I took this online quiz and come to find out, I am just like her! Who would have known? I think they are completely right, though, but DANG, how do you know me so well???

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are a Grace!

You are a Grace -- "I need to understand the world."

Graces have a need for knowledge and are introverted, curious, analytical, and insightful.

How to Get Along with Me

* Be independent, not clingy

* Speak in a straightforward and brief manner

* I need time alone to process my feelings and thoughts

* Remember that If I seem aloof, distant, or arrogant, it may be that I am feeling uncomfortable

* Make me feel welcome, but not too intensely, or I might doubt your sincerity

* If I become irritated when I have to repeat things, it may be because it was such an effort to get my thoughts out in the first place

* don't come on like a bulldozer

* Help me to avoid my pet peeves: big parties, other people's loud music, overdone emotions, and intrusions on my privacy

What I Like About Being a Grace
* standing back and viewing life objectively
* coming to a thorough understanding; perceiving causes and effects
* my sense of integrity: doing what I think is right and not being influenced by social pressure
* not being caught up in material possessions and status
* being calm in a crisis

What's Hard About Being a Grace

* being slow to put my knowledge and insights out in the world

* feeling bad when I act defensive or like a know-it-all

* being pressured to be with people when I don't want to be

* watching others with better social skills, but less intelligence or technical skill, do better professionally

Graces as Children Often

* spend a lot of time alone reading, making collections, and so on

* have a few special friends rather than many

* are very bright and curious and do well in school

* have independent minds and often question their parents and teachers

* watch events from a detached point of view, gathering information

* assume a poker face in order not to look afraid

* are sensitive; avoid interpersonal conflict

* feel intruded upon and controlled and/or ignored and neglected

Graces as Parents

* are often kind, perceptive, and devoted

* are sometimes authoritarian and demanding

* may expect more intellectual achievement than is developmentally appropriate

* may be intolerant of their children expressing strong emotions

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

Moving the Office

2008-12-08T11:45:00.004-05:00

Hi Guys, sorry I havent posted in 2 weeks.
My office moved over the past week to the next building. It isn't as bad as it could have been. Our office manager is great and she did a wonderful job. Our company owns this building and the building we moved from so it works out fine. Our own landlord. LOL

Anyway, things are good. Thanksgiving was fine. No drama, so I liked that alot.

Our company had its Christmas party last Thursday night and that is always fun. Watching your co-workers get drunk and act a straight fool-big fun! I drank 3 white wine spritzers, did my thang with the Cha Cha Slide and broke out!

Anyway, that's all for now. Will get back at y'all later!

Peace,
Charisse

Dear Momma

2008-11-24T16:34:00.008-05:00

Today marks 5 years since my wonderful mother, Bernice Elizabeth, went to be with Our Father! She was 69 years old, a mother of 3, grandmother of 4, sister, daughter and friend to a chosen few.

She was a strong woman, who relied on no one but herself to take care of her children, no matter how hard, how challenging, how stressful. She was always proud and handled her business with ease.

Well, that is what it looked like to me when I was a teenager and a young adult. And then, I had my children and with each one growing up, I began to realize that the things I was going through, she went through. The emotions, the uncertainty, and "dying inside while outside looking fearless" (thanks Tupac).

I hurt my mother on many levels that I am only beginning to understand now that my oldest is 16 and relaying those same painful feelings into my heart. I am not an emotionally open person. I struggle with it fiercely and it is a constant battle to break down the walls, but I am trying. Little by little, I allow myself to show a little bit of vulnerability but it definitely frightens me. I am also passing this emotional flaw down to my children. Why do I feel this way? Well, because I have never taken my children to visit my mother's grave since the funeral. Not because it's too far, and not because I don't want the kids to remember her. I do speak about her and reminisce about her. I ask them do they remember her and what was their favorite thing about her. I tell my youngest what she used to do at my mom's house because she doesnt remember very much. She was only 4 when Mommy passed.

The reason is purely my own. It's because the pain is too much for me and so I shun the visit for myself. Every year I have said I would go visit and every year, I do not.

I am selfish. I realize that now. I don't mean to be, but I am. I don't want to share that part of me that is very vulnerable with anyone, not even my children and I now totally see how my decision is helping to stunt the emotional growth of my own children.

So, I make this promise to myself....

Before this year is out, I WILL take my children to visit their grandmother, with beautiful real flowers in hand and I will tell her all about them and apologize to her for not coming to visit and I know she will forgive me (because that is what mothers do) and I will cry in front of my children and embrace them when they cry, in order encourage them to express their emotions and live in the moment, and enjoy this life to the fullest!!!

(Thank you Christina, and I will post pictures too!)

Holla (through my tears),
Charisse

This Thanksgiving, Don't Forget That Special Friend!

2008-11-17T08:51:00.009-05:00

I don't know about you but Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Yes, I'm serious. I am not crazy about Christmas in its commercial capacity at all. The whole hyped up ritual of wrapping presents that you spent a lot of money on, that the kids will play with for about an hour and then they are "bored". Uh, no, not my favorite holiday. I love Thanksgiving because it is involves what I love most, getting together with loved ones. I love having people come over to my house and spent time with me and mine. I get up early and cook all morning. Turkey, ham, stuffing, mac & cheese, collard greens, lasagne or baked ziti, and peach cobbler are a definite in my kitchen. Then I add in different things depending on my mood. Maybe some potato salad and a tossed green salad. Maybe a cake and a pie. It depends but I just love being able to show the people I love and care about what they mean to me.

The funny thing is that I don't have a lot of friends. I really don't. I don't have company come over and people rarely call me. Yeah, I know it sounds sad and unbelievable, but it is very true. I am one of those friends you have that you know she will "always be there" for you, but you forget to call her when you do a last minute get-together with all of your other girlfriends.

You know the one I am talking about.

The one you call and tell how good a time you had with all the girls and she says to you, "Well, why didnt you call me? I would have loved to go!"
(um-hum, don't get quiet now)

Or how about this, you need to know how to make something, or need to go over the details of the party you are planning and she is helping you with, or you need to vent about your problems and call her in the late night or early morning, knowing that she will listen to you and not judge you or make you feel bad about that mess you got yourself into. She brainstorms with you to get a resolution, you hang up, you take care of your issues, make everything right and then you don't call her to tell her "thank you" because you got caught up in something else and "forgot".

Yeah, I am that girlfriend.

I don't know what it is exactly that makes me that friend, but I have found myself asking "why didn't you call me" way more times than I want to remember. I have always been the reliable, faithful friend. It's just part of my character. It won't change, but I have grown up a lot so I don't get taken advantage of any longer.

As that friend, let me tell you some things:
1. When I invite you over to my house, I am looking for some of the love I have given to you in return.
I might be going through something.

2. When I call you to ask about what's going on in your life, sometimes I really would like you to say "nothing" and ask me about me for a change.
I might be going through something.

3. When you call to ask me that favor, ask me more than once if there is something I may need you to do for me, even if I deny it at first.
I might be going through something.

4. When I call and you see my number on the caller-id and decide "she can leave a message" and then you don't return my call.
I might be going through something.

Love your friends, ALL of them but especially that one you can ALWAYS depend on, who is the one that comes to ALL of your functions, who remembers ALL of your kids' birthdays, and yours and your husband's, who you wake up out of her sleep and ask her opinion about whatever............ because at the end of the day, when all of those other girlfriends, and messed up men are looking for a way to break you down and you feel the devil is on your back, and it's so bad you decide you are gonna come to my house this time.......................

You will find out that I moved two years ago and changed my phone number 6 months ago!! (that's why i invited you over and left a message for you to call me back)

Don't take your friends for granted!

Holla,
Charisse

I Totally Love That Picture!

2008-11-11T08:36:00.003-05:00

Nothing like seeing a strong Black man happy to have a strong Black woman behind him, holding him, comforting him, encouraging him! And you can tell, she is PROUD to be there!

Love, real love, is always evident, even when you think no one is looking. I had a love so strong with my son's father that even when we weren't walking anywhere near each other in a room or in the street, we had people come up to us and say we made a cute couple, or that "your husband is trying to get your attention", when we were on the other side of the room from each other. Amazing. I am hoping I can have that with the man I am with now. Time will tell.

Anyway, those are my thoughts right now. Gotta do some work, since that is what they pay me for!

Holla,
Charisse

I am so Proud.....

2008-11-05T10:42:00.001-05:00

We have OVERCOME and continue to do so!
Thank you Father!
Charisse

Our New President

2008-11-04T08:28:00.004-05:00

I voted for that MAN in my banner at 6:30 this morning. Lucky for me, the polls were right down stairs in my building. After I finished my morning routine, I put on my comfy sweatpants, a simple shirt and my Croc flip flops. I walked to the door, with my little Rose following me to the door (Rose is my new puppy who I will introduce to you all later).

I walked out the door, locked it behind me 'cause I do live in the projects, walked to the stairs and walked down from the 3rd floor to the first floor. I walked out of the lobby, made a sharp right and greeted the 3 people standing outside the doorway with "Good Wonderful Morning". They greeted me back.

I walked in and saw the older ladies of the neighborhood, sitting at the table, with their name tags on, checking the book of registered voters. I said good morning to them with a wonderful smile and they returned the love. They asked me my name, looked for it in the book, found it and said "Charisse, sign right here". With no hesitation, I reached for the book and then I paused for a second to look at how beautiful my name looked in this book that permitted me to make a choice for my future and the future of my children, my friends, my extended family and for this COUNTRY, not just black folk.

After I signed, one of the ladies handed me a card and told me to go to machine number two. I walked to it, handed a young girl (one of the ladies' daughter) my card and pulled back the curtain.

Once inside, I stopped and looked at what was before me. Rows of names under party names other than Democrat and Republican. I saw Cynthia McKinney's name and although I would have loved to vote for her, I bet that she isnt even voting for HERSELF on this miraculous day!

The choice was easy really, all row A. I mean how hard was it? I didn't know anything about the court justices, but I decided to just do "row A all the way!" I pulled the red lever to the right, flipped the buttons in row A to make the X mark the spot and once I was satisfied, I looked at the top name again. Barack Obama with Biden underneath it. My heart swelled a little bit and then I flipped that red lever back to the left, the whole while, watching the X disappear from the names I just picked. Instantly, I felt a little sadness and apprehension of whether it would be recorded correctly. My heart got sad seeing those Xs disappear but I stepped out of that polling machine with pride in my heart and on my face. I wished everyone standing around a wonderful day and went back upstairs to my home, and my children, and my little puppy.

Since there is no school today, the kids are staying home. While I was putting my mascara on in the bathroom, my baby girl came in to handle her business. She was watching me, as all little girls watch their mothers, recording me into her memory for those flashbacks moments when she remembers something simple about her mommy. I saw her with my peripheral vision and felt her in my heart. I thought to myself that this is a historic moment and I need to share it with her so I said, while she is still watching me, "I went downstairs and voted this morning." She said "You did? What time?" I said, "6:30". She didnt ask anything else because she already knew who I was voting for. Barack Obama Even at 9 years old, she knows the deal.

So here I am at work, browsing the internet and I just find out that Mr. Obama's grandmother passed yesterday. Am I sad for his loss? Yes, but just a little bit.

I am much more emotional knowing that she decided to go home yesterday, the day before the election that WILL make her grandson the next President of the United States, because her work was done here on this Earth and that she was needed with our Heavenly Father, as the final link of the past in Mr. Obama's life, to make way for his wonderful, incredible, world-changing future.

Rest in peace to his grandmother, grandfather, mother and father.

Rest in peace to my mother, my father, my grandparents and my girlfriend Songy who died last year at age 34.

Rest in peace Dr. King, Mrs. King, Ms. King, Brother Minister Malcolm, Sister Betty, Mr. Marcus Garvey, Mrs. Parks, Chief Justice Marshall and all of our ancestors who fought for our future.

Rest, finally, in peace knowing that this day has indeed come! I am so proud of ALL of you.

We will have a nigger/colored/black/Afro-American/African American President tomorrow morning, November 5, 2008.

Say it with me.....
President Barack H. Obama
like a song on my heart

Peace,
Charisse

Halloween at Work

2008-10-31T15:46:00.007-04:00

People sure do go all out for Halloween, don't they? I, personally, do not get all into it, but that is just the "evil Black woman" coming out of me. Ghosts, goblins, scary things and complete strangers giving my kids candy? OH I am in fight mode! LOL

Anyway, some people here at my job got all dressed up. Some were very creative, like above girls who decided to come out as Cholas, or gangsta girls. Most of them are pretty convincing, don't you think? By the way, they are ALL accountants! LOL I only had on a headband with a little stuff with on it, cute, made noise and that was it.

My kids are gonna have fun tonight trick or treating. We go into the "rich white people area" which is only 3 minutes up the main road from my house (literally, 3 minutes, 6 traffic lights away). These people give out the "good stuff". Whole candy bars, lots of candy, very generous. I like that it is so close and a guaranteed payout, you know.

So I just wanted to say "HAPPY HALLOWEEN" and even if it is a Pagan holiday, it is fun for the kids and if they are happy, I am happy!

Holla,

Charisse

Pay Day!!!

2008-10-30T08:23:00.006-04:00

So today is pay day. I am actually happy about it but at the same time, I just look at it like, "sheesh, what ELSE do I have to take care of with this paycheck?" You know what I mean? I have to get new brakes on the Mommy Mobile (my '98 Dodge Grand Caravan that has been abused and loved and then abused again LOL). New brake pads and rotors and a leak in the rear caliber, blah, blah, blah. Which all means MONEY!!! So I will do it 'cause I sure would like to keep getting a check and so I will do what is necessary.

You know, if I didn't have my car, I would have to leave my house (and my kids) at 7:15 every morning to catch the bus to get to work at 8:30 am, and then leave work at 5 pm to get home by about 6:15. Now that isn't too bad considering that I worked all the way in downtown Manhattan for about 7 months last year and it took me 1-1/2 hours on the train in the morning and the same at night just to get home! That was some crazy mess, let me tell you! Add to that, being UNDERGROUND for about an hour of that! Uh, no thank you! Made a sista start getting anxiety attacks, for real! The NYC subway system is the most extensive in the world but believe me, it is has to be the most frustrating when it comes down to simple logistics, but for the sheer volume of people it transports, it's fine. I just don't like having to deal with it on a day to day basis anymore. I value being able to get home at a decent time. Leaving work at 5 and getting home by 5:30 is good in my book, as opposed to leaving work at 5:30 and getting off the train at 7, and then the 10 minute walk to my house. No Comparison!!!

So, let me tell you a little bit about myself: I have 3 kids, 16, 13 and 9.

My first born is currently living with my sisters because she thought she was grown and I had to show her that she will never be as grown as me, no matter how old she gets. We definitely have a strained relationship. One day, it will get better, I know this in my heart, but right now is not the time. I send money to support her, my sisters give me updates on her, but she and I do not speak.... For now.

My son is my STAR. I always had a problem with women who were overprotective of their sons and smothered them and stuff, but now that he is getting older, I find that I understand it more and more. He is the future. A "strong black man in training" and his path can be redirected at anytime if I don't step in frequently to check for the "troll under the bridge" and the lost souls travelling near him. We live in the projects and although my complex is relatively calm, it has had it's share of violence and I easily see where things could go badly. I want to keep him firm and steady. He is definitely getting there too. I take credit for a lot of it but I do have to give credit to my sweetheart, who I will talk about another time.

My youngest baby girl is my heart! She is my road dog, my ace, my little buddy. She feels my pain, she builds me up... she completes me! Ok, maybe I went a little too far with that one, but she is special. She is also my moodiest child! Goodness, anyone got a LEO in their life? Sheesh, back and forth, 'swing low, sweet chariot', give me a break! She is a good kid, and considerate, and I like that about her.

Ok, let me ACT like I am working, since I am here at work, right? I will talk to y'all later. Have a blessed day!

Charisse

(yes those are my kids, ain't they beautiful?)

I got my review at work today....

2008-10-29T16:10:00.003-04:00

I have been at this job for 1 year and I happen to like it. For the most part, things run pretty smoothly so I don't complain much.

We were given the review forms to fill out ourselves (!!) and then we go and sit with our supervisor, who will review our answers and fill out their own answers based on their own findings. Being that I tend to get lazy at times and get sidetracked at work by browsing the internet, I gave myself an overall review of "meeting expectations", as possible to "does not meet expectations" and "exceeds expectations". Well, when I sat with my supervisor, she went through mine really quickly and then went on to give me more "exceeds" than I thought. She joked that she thought higher of me than I did of myself. Hey, when it comes to getting that raise and bonus, HELL YEAH, I need to know that you are looking at me very favorably.

Anyway, she mentioned about the phone and internet use and that I should monitor it, and then that was it. So, Mama Girl (that's me) is gonna get a good bonus, I hope, and hopefully the same will be done with the raise. We haven't sat with the Big Boss yet, but he likes me too! Good news for me and for the kids for Christmas, 'cause they was gonna be out of luck this year, for REAL!!!

One day within the next week, I am gonna fill y'all in on my 3 baby daddies situation! That is drama enough for its own daytime soap opera!

Holla!
Charisse

Yes, I know, I'm really late in the game....

2008-10-29T09:57:00.002-04:00

I like reading blogs way more than posting about my own life but I figured that since I read so much, why not bore someone else with my own random stories! I won't lie and say I will post everyday, but I will try to post at least once a week!

Don't you hate it when your favorite blogs don't get updated because the blogger is out LIVING LIFE!!! blah blah blah! I don't have a life and I need you to come along and entertain me so POST EVERY DAY, DAGGONIT!!! LOL