It's Time to Let Her Grow Up....

My oldest daughter is going through a major phase of rebellion at this stage in her life. She is 16 years old and a half, taller than me, beautiful and thinks she is all-knowing of the ways of the world. I have been the best mother I know how to be and yet it isnt enough for her. She is extremely disrespectful and feels that I have not been there for her somehow but she hasn't pinpointed exactly where. There are other issues as well that have affected our lives that have been out of our control, people coming and going through death, separation, life in general, but I have always been right there. She doesnt seem to think that is what is important. Thus, we got into a physical fight back in July 2008 wherein she found out that Mommy is Mommy until you swing on her and then Mommy reverts to "Risse from Da Bronx who may not like to fight but knows how to put the beats on dat ass when absolutely necessary!!!" So she had been living with my sister in Delaware since then to get herself together, make a fresh start and do better.

My sister is much more patient than me, more open in some areas and even her patience has been tested by my oldest. Oldest has disrespected her and shown rebellion but all in all, since oldest was stuck in Delaware with no place to go, she didnt go all out like when she was home with me. She even disrespected my sister's man and she still got to stay. (Keep this in mind for future reference)

So, after 8 months in Delaware, my oldest decided that she wanted to spend spring break with me and her siblings. I said fine, of course. She appeared alright but since I know her, I knew something had to be brewing and that she had ulterior motives. Within the first 2 days, she went and got her tongue pierced and didnt tell me. My son noticed something in her mouth and asked about it. Spot blown up! I did the lecture about disease and not asking permission and all and she was like, "well I wanted it". Yeah. Ok.

Well, when Easter weekend came, all 3 of my kids went to my ex's house and spent 3 days there. The oldest 2 came back on the third day and Little Momma stayed with her daddy for the rest of the week. Cool. My son gives me no real issues so it was fine for him to be at home. The oldest was spending time with her girlfriends and letting me in on every step. Progress, right? Well it all hit the fan on this past Friday when she lied and said she was with her friends and in the same conversation said that they werent with her. Ummm, what? "Ok, well be home by nine-thirty!", I said, to which she stated she would not be, and hung up on me. Yeah, ok...

So she spent the night out Friday night and Saturday night, with no contact. I was only slighly worried because I have been through 3 run aways with her and so the routine gets old. My sister called Sunday to confirm oldest's bus schedule and brought her up to date on the drama. She contacted oldest and spoke to her, asking her where her head was and why was she being disrespectful. My sister informed oldest that she should have learned something in the 8 months in Delaware and that oldest should call her back in an hour and tell her one thing, just one little thing she learned and then she would be able to return to Delaware, make amends with me and move on. Yeah, ok....

Oldest called her back 3 hours later saying she couldnt think of anything and my sister asked her what would be her forwarding address since she would not be coming back to Delaware. Oldest didnt even know what a forwarding address was. My sister told her to call me. Oldest called me and said "your sister said to call you". Mmmm, ok. I asked what was up and she told me my sister told her she couldnt come back to Delaware. I asked her what she was going to do and she said it was "up to y'all", to which I told her, no, it was up to her since she was making grown-up decisions and hung up on her. I havent heard from her since.

She has no clothes, no money, but she has her ticket back to Delaware and a cellphone with minutes on it to contact me, my sister, her father, her stepfather, and whomever else she needs to when the time hits.

As much as it hurts me, I have placed her in The Father's Loving Arms and put ALL of my faith in His divine plan for our lives. I cannot accept her disrespect and misguidance and I will be here waiting for her when she finally comes around.

Until then I am sad but not forsaken...
Charisse

Layoffs Suck!!

No, I didnt get laid off,
but you couldn't tell me that I wasnt on that list this morning. It came as a total surprise this morning that people were getting laid off to begin with. It didnt matter if you were there 7 years or 1 year, cutbacks affect everyone. A total of 9 people got laid off today and it was sad to see 2 of my lunch buddies go. There had been a lot of closed door meetings going on but none of the "indians" knew the details. It finally culminated with today, from the Chief Operating Officer to the receptionist. Nine lives were affected greatly today and it was so totally sad.

There, but for the Grace of My Heavenly Father, go I.

Y'all know darned well that I was on my best behavior today, filing all my stuff away, organizing things and all that! I was so shook though. I just KNEW they were going to call my name!!! We lost one person in my dept, which was amazing.

In the afternoon, the whole company was called to a meeting to discuss the day's events. The little perk we get each morning of bagels and pastries? GONE!! The snacks and special flavored coffee? GONE!!

The biggest change will be hours being cut during a fifteen week period in the summer. Everyone in the company will work and only get paid for 32 hours. Thirty two hours of the 40 we normally work. Some people were upset but you know what? Thirty-two is just fine with me! It means I still have a job. It means I will still be able to put food on the table for my family. It also means that I will be able to enjoy the summer without having to take any vacation days and that means a lot.

So, I am counting my blessings and keeping my head to the sky! I am grateful!

xoxo
Charisse

Ode to the Street Mechanic

Oh, Mr. Street Mechanic
with an obvious habit of taking things illegal,
thank you for your wisdom and expertise, as you are indeed
"The Front End Specialist".
While those who are unfamiliar with our culture would be
so very wary of you, we, your brethren, recognize
your fine abilities and appreciate your cheap prices.
You put the shops to shame, sitting outside your trailer
with the other "ol' skool" car specialists who sit and
take a taste everyday with you, watching over the
community, even if what you do may be considered illegal.
You diagnosed a bent left axle, sent us to the legal spot
to get the new part, told us to come back in 45 minutes
and only charged us $75. You even sent us to get the
rebate for the old axle. In your own words, my minivan does
indeed "ride like a Cadillac".

If you are ever in need of the best mechanic around the Bx,
just ask for Say-Hey and it shall be granted.

Amen,
Charisse

I LOVE PAPER

I started scrapbooking in January 2005 after my last girlfriend in NYC moved to North Carolina and my then-husband told me that I needed to get a hobby because he wasnt going to keep me company. Yeah, wow! Despite the insensitivity, it was the best thing he could have said to me because I now have my artistic ventures and he was sent to his momma's house with what he came with, a plastic bag!!! (Kick Rocks Loser!!)

Anyway, thus began my love of paper. Scrapbooking papers are simply delicious! You just can't get enough of the colors, the designs, the textures, the countless coordinating combinations! I love it all! My first love was Basic Grey paper and I continue to love their unusual combinations and layers of color and pattern on each page. I also love old letter-type papers, like weathered advertisements and long lost love letters. There is a paper for each person out there, for each particular style a person may love.

My new love is Graphic 45's Fashionista and Communique lines. I love the bold colors and the vintage images! They are so vibrant and yummy! Me and Sassy Sasha got it bad! I ordered only one sheet of the Fashionista paper to see how good the color would be and I am stuck! They are so delicious! So now, I have to buy more!

Just wanted to let you all know just a little bit more about my hobbies, although with this one, I should be called more of a scrap paper hoarder than a scrapbooker!

LOL
Charisse

I Cried and So Did He...

I forgot to tell y'all that I did finally get to my mother's grave. I didnt take the kids because it was on the way back from Delaware. I went down to sign papers so the Diva could get her driver's permit. They have driver's ed down there.

Anywho, The Diva is now speaking to me which is a blessing to my heart. My Love, aka My Best Friend's Brother, drove down with me so I had company. On the way back to NY, I told him that I wanted to visit my mom's grave. I had to call my sister to ask her to look up the directions for me since I havent been in the longest time. She told me the directions and we were on our way!

After getting off the highway, we go down the road to Rose Hill Cemetery in NJ. One thing I do remember is the section my mom is buried in so I direct Love that way. Once we get over there though, I don't know which headstone is hers. I wander around in the general vicinity and feel very ashamed that I don't remember where she is and I start to walk back to the car. Love is sitting there watching me, but not judging me as I was embarrassed enough. I decide to turn back around though, and look once more, and there she is, Ms. Bernice, waiting for me to come to Mommy. I stand there for a minute in a kind of shock, reading the headstone over and over again. I had forgotten what was written on it, even though I was the one who provided it. I reached down and touched her headstone and then picked up the dried out, dead flowers that I know my youngest sister left there on her visit a month ago.

Then I start telling Mommy that I'm sorry, apologizing to her and asking her to forgive me for being such a terrible daughter and that I have done a really bad job with the kids and how I wish she was there to help me and tell me what to do, with the tears and boogers flowing. Then I ask her to forgive me one last time and I hear in my heart that she already has because that is what mommies do. ((Sigh)) So I tell her that I miss her so much. Then I feel something near me and turn to see Love standing to the right, behind me, crying too. I walk over to him, wipe his tears away, look back at Mommy and tell her with my heart that I love her and that I will come back with the kids soon, and Love and I hug-walk back to the car.

A weight was lifted that day that was on my heart for a while. I feel more free and open since and it is a good thing.

I will bring the kids out there soon, when the weather is better and warmer. Now wouldnt not be good because I am scared the Mommy Mobile might give out on the New Jersey Turnpike.

I told you I make stuff..

Find more videos like this on Mixed Media With Suzi Blu


I couldnt upload this to Youtube because it is too long so I uploaded it to my page on Suzi Blu's Ning Network! I hope you all like it. It ain't drunk painting like Adrienne gets to do ('cause I didnt go in the kitchen LOL) but it is fun!

Enjoy!
Charisse

Some Random Shots

The first three pictures are from being in Harlem, on the way to the Studio Museum in Harlem where you CANNOT take pictures. Oh well, there was life to be seen anyway. The last picture is of me and Donna Downey, scrapbooking artist.






Later
Charisse