My oldest daughter is going through a major phase of rebellion at this stage in her life. She is 16 years old and a half, taller than me, beautiful and thinks she is all-knowing of the ways of the world. I have been the best mother I know how to be and yet it isnt enough for her. She is extremely disrespectful and feels that I have not been there for her somehow but she hasn't pinpointed exactly where. There are other issues as well that have affected our lives that have been out of our control, people coming and going through death, separation, life in general, but I have always been right there. She doesnt seem to think that is what is important. Thus, we got into a physical fight back in July 2008 wherein she found out that Mommy is Mommy until you swing on her and then Mommy reverts to "Risse from Da Bronx who may not like to fight but knows how to put the beats on dat ass when absolutely necessary!!!" So she had been living with my sister in Delaware since then to get herself together, make a fresh start and do better.
My sister is much more patient than me, more open in some areas and even her patience has been tested by my oldest. Oldest has disrespected her and shown rebellion but all in all, since oldest was stuck in Delaware with no place to go, she didnt go all out like when she was home with me. She even disrespected my sister's man and she still got to stay. (Keep this in mind for future reference)
So, after 8 months in Delaware, my oldest decided that she wanted to spend spring break with me and her siblings. I said fine, of course. She appeared alright but since I know her, I knew something had to be brewing and that she had ulterior motives. Within the first 2 days, she went and got her tongue pierced and didnt tell me. My son noticed something in her mouth and asked about it. Spot blown up! I did the lecture about disease and not asking permission and all and she was like, "well I wanted it". Yeah. Ok.
Well, when Easter weekend came, all 3 of my kids went to my ex's house and spent 3 days there. The oldest 2 came back on the third day and Little Momma stayed with her daddy for the rest of the week. Cool. My son gives me no real issues so it was fine for him to be at home. The oldest was spending time with her girlfriends and letting me in on every step. Progress, right? Well it all hit the fan on this past Friday when she lied and said she was with her friends and in the same conversation said that they werent with her. Ummm, what? "Ok, well be home by nine-thirty!", I said, to which she stated she would not be, and hung up on me. Yeah, ok...
So she spent the night out Friday night and Saturday night, with no contact. I was only slighly worried because I have been through 3 run aways with her and so the routine gets old. My sister called Sunday to confirm oldest's bus schedule and brought her up to date on the drama. She contacted oldest and spoke to her, asking her where her head was and why was she being disrespectful. My sister informed oldest that she should have learned something in the 8 months in Delaware and that oldest should call her back in an hour and tell her one thing, just one little thing she learned and then she would be able to return to Delaware, make amends with me and move on. Yeah, ok....
Oldest called her back 3 hours later saying she couldnt think of anything and my sister asked her what would be her forwarding address since she would not be coming back to Delaware. Oldest didnt even know what a forwarding address was. My sister told her to call me. Oldest called me and said "your sister said to call you". Mmmm, ok. I asked what was up and she told me my sister told her she couldnt come back to Delaware. I asked her what she was going to do and she said it was "up to y'all", to which I told her, no, it was up to her since she was making grown-up decisions and hung up on her. I havent heard from her since.
She has no clothes, no money, but she has her ticket back to Delaware and a cellphone with minutes on it to contact me, my sister, her father, her stepfather, and whomever else she needs to when the time hits.
As much as it hurts me, I have placed her in The Father's Loving Arms and put ALL of my faith in His divine plan for our lives. I cannot accept her disrespect and misguidance and I will be here waiting for her when she finally comes around.
Until then I am sad but not forsaken...