Liars, Thieves and a Child's Heartbreak

Let's get right to it, shall we?


My oldest daughter saw my youngest daughter at the ex's house over the holiday weekend and tricked her into giving up her housekeys on the promise of new clothes.  The ex found out and instead of taking the keys away, he made the oldest promise not to do anything "crazy." 


Um, who was it that said if you have to tell someone don't do something, you know they WILL do it?


Anywho.  So, the oldest comes to my house with her girlfriend and proceeds to STEAL clothes, shoes, boots, money, a camera and most of my handbags.  She leaves the keys under the youngest's pillow as promised and proceeded to walk out of the building, carrying 2 large bags of stolen goods, and right past Love with a snide remark, who doesnt realize what has happened until we both get home later that night and put 2+2 together!


How do you deal with a 10 year old little girl who loves the ground her big sister walks on and now has her heart shattered by lies?  How do you deal with a 17 year old woman who thinks nothing of manipulating and lying to get something that she could have just asked for?  If she had been a 27 year old crack addict, then you know how to wrap your brain around it.  When it's a 17 year old who wants to do as she pleases but wants to hurt her mother for some unknown reason, I am stumped.


I filled out a police report.  I called and cursed the ex and told him I would have him charged with accessory to burglary.  I spoke her school's principal, guidance counselor and school police officer.  Most importantly though, I spoke to God and I need to speak to Him some more because, although I am getting tired of thinking about it, I still need His guidance to make the right decision on what to do next!


Needing some prayers, please
xoxo Charisse

My Word for The Year

Pursue

Verb

1. Carry out or participate in an activity; be involved in; "She pursued many activities"; "They engaged in a discussion".

2. Follow in or as if in pursuit; "The police car pursued the suspected attacker"; "Her bad deed followed her and haunted her dreams all her life".

3. Go in search of or hunt for; "pursue a hobby".

4. Carry further or advance; "Can you act on this matter soon?".

I am definitely happy in knowing that this word is the closest I could find to explain what I want to do with the rest of my life.  I tried 'engage' and 'involve' but they didnt feel right.  PURSUE is right!

Here's to Twenty Ten!!
xoxo
Charisse

Happiness is....

Eating homemade baklava at work *yum*

The kids at their families' for the holiday week :)

Getting the Wii Active Personal Trainer for Christmas

New candle and soap purchases from Patrice

Love and I talking and sharing this week, and realizing that, at the end of our everyday, it's all about us.

Going to the club around the corner from my house on New Year's and being able to walk home afterwards

Having the next four days off of work (and last week too!)

Knowing I will be moving out of the projects in the spring!

Deciding that losing 5 pounds a month for the next year sounds much more achievable than saying 60 pounds

Having Love ask me if I want to work out with him in the new year to reach our fitness goals.

Envisioning myself in a bikini on the beach with my Love and his matching six-pack.

Reaching for each one of my goals for my life and being more willing to participate in it!

Sending hugs and kisses to my online friends!

Enjoy the holiday, see you in the new year!
xoxo
Charisse

Glimpses of My Weekend....

- Being in NYC early on Saturday morning before the hordes of tourists arrive.

- Falling in love with dance again at the Ailey Extension, even though I was unable to participate because my morning business meeting ran over time. (I did speak with the instructor after class was over, who confirmed that I hadn't missed anything and can start anytime I want to!)

- Remembering that walking around NYC is one of the best exercises you can do for my mind, body and spirit.

- Realizing again that the subway is your friend, no matter how much I hate going underground.

- Eating at a restaurant which serves healthier, Greek-inspired food and wishing I was eating at Zoe's Kitchen  in Patton Creek in Hoover, Alabama, again (Hey Adrienne!).  I wish they would open one here in NYC and even wrote to Zoe's a couple of years ago about that.  (Yes I did, Adrienne, and they said it wasn't in their forecast! Blah!)  They aren't even interested in coming up north!  Double Blah!

That's all for now.
xoxo Charisse

Catching Up With My Life....

So, the visit in NC was absolutely great!  There was NO drama, if you can believe it.  Brother T's wife is very nice and I can see where she may clash with the Love's oldest sister, but it isn't that bad.  It really didn't turn out in a bad way at all.  I enjoyed myself and really like North Carolina.  I may move there in the future.


Lately, I have been feeling like I have nothing to be passionate about.  Nothing to look forward to, nothing to do, period.  Oh, I do have my art and I am just now getting back into creating a couple of things in my art journal, but nothing has really moved me.  I have been uninspired. That is until, I was watching a commercial for "So You Think You Can Dance", and then it hit me.  Well, it hit me AGAIN!!!  Let me explain.


My first love was dance.  I found dance in elementary school through a wonderful teacher named Mr. Goode.  Mr. Goode taught modern dance after school when I was in 5th and 6th grades and I fell in love with participating in dance.  I used to go to the library and check out the same book about The Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater over and over because I loved looking at the pictures and dreamed of being Judith Jamison performing "Firebird". I was so into dance that I was able to obtain a full summer scholarship to the Dance Theater of Harlem and even attended after school when school resumed that year.  Unfortunately, BOYS entered the picture and there was no real looking back for me.  Life came up and grabbed me and I put all aspirations behind me. 


I had found out in recent years that the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater offers dance classes for 'regular' folk and have been planning on taking classes since but haven't gotten around to it yet.  Every couple of months I check the schedule looking to see what classes I would like to participate in and always make plans to go register, but did not do it.  Well, that time has come and I ABSOLUTELY INTEND to take a class this coming Saturday and will continue to do so as a part of living my OWN life for a change!  I plan to take the "Beginner West African" and "SharQui Bellydance" classes.  I am nervous but I am looking forward to doing something for myself. 


I have decided that I need to make some goals for myself because I feel like I am just existing and stagnating, wasting time that I will not get back.  I am inspired by quite a few of you and because you are my friends, I have decided to share that list with you so that I can be held accountable.


1.  Dance classes 2x a month - because I need to follow my core passion and move my body and connect with others who feel like I do about moving and expressing myself with music.


2.  Workout 3x a week at home - because I have no excuse and I am tired of looking at my body and being unhappy with what I see.  I wanna look like Serena Williams and that ain't gonna happen by osmosis!


3.  Learn to sew - because my mother never let us touch her sewing machine and I really would like to make pretty things, like Adrienne and Patrice.


4.  Scrapbook at crops once a month - because I need to get out and be inspired by others who share my interests.


5.  Read at least one book a month - because a lot of times, I feel like I don't have anything to talk about and I think my mind is shrinking.


6.  Get my face made up professionally at the MAC store once every 3-6 months - just because I wanna see what I would look like all done up and perty!!!  LOL


I turn 40 next September 22nd and that is the date I intend to accomplish all of these goals listed.  I also intend to do other things too but this list is the main one!


Do you have anything you have wanted to do but havent gotten around to?  Well, join me in my quest and let's do this together!  Rent Julie & Julia too.  It was a really good boost to my motivation.


Love y'all
Charisse

Holiday Travel and Some Randomness for Good Measure

Heading south again but this time, no funerals!  The kids, Love and I are heading to North Carolina to surprise Love's brother.  Love's brother had gastric bypass surgery some years ago. He, unfortunately, had complications and ended up gaining more weight and dealing with an open wound for a few years now. He went to several specialists and had surgery this past summer to finally repair the trouble spot.  Love decided he wanted to go visit him since he has never been to this brother's house before and so we will be there for the Thanksgiving holiday.

Although I have been around Love's family for about 20 years, I only met this brother "T" when I went to Georgia for their mom's funeral.  He is married with 2 beautiful girls and is a good man that I can tell.  I have heard rumors about his wife though that give me pause.

Example No. 1, a neighbor of Love's other brother "C" cooked a spread of food for his home and for visitors for after the funeral.  Well brother "T", his wife, their kids, her mom, her sis and her niece were staying at brother "C"'s house.  Instead of being grateful for the gift, T's wife went out and bought her family Popeye's chicken.  Umm... how you do you say it?

"Houston, we have a problem!!"

Now I was there.  I ate the food and it was slammin'!!  I met the neighbors and they are good people.  I saw the Popeye's chicken but didnt put it all together until the above was told to me. 

Example No. 2.  I spoke with said wife to finalize our plans to stay her home and sleeping arrangements and such.  She was fine with it and made a couple of comments about "that older sister".  Love's older sister is an attorney who at most times acts a big "Bourgie" but is alright with me 'cause I really don't care!  Older sis is staying at the Marriott.  Well, when Older Sis and Love spoke about the arrangements, Older Sis' comment was "Better you than me!"

Me feels a bit of dram-uh may be in the works.

But I am all for it 'cause I will have a front row seat!  I'll give y'all the details when I get back on Monday!

Mothering

I blame my mother for nothing, but forgive her everything - Mary J. Blige


This quote makes my heart sad and hopeful at the same time.  Throughout history, all across the world, the general concensus is that whatever problems you may have, it all goes back to your mother!  Your mother!  My mother! Her mother! Their mother!!

We mothers have so very much to deal with and as we all know, there is no handbook, course or study material for the "real" life of a mother.  Oh, we can read all types of books on parenting a healthy child, what to and not to do, but being a mother entails more than helping you learn to tie your shoes and say "please" and "thank you".


Let me tell you about my mother.  Bernice was 36 years old by the time she had me, her first live born child, in 1970.  She had 3 miscarriages before me and based on the stories she told me, she really wanted me!  I love that! 


My mother was not married to my father and had to contend with him questioning whether I was really his child because I didnt look anything like him, 'cause I was light-skinned with chinky eyes and good hair.  He said I looked like the "Chinese laundry man's baby. "  Bernice, of course, cursed my dark-chocolate skinned, skinny, older father out about it.  My younger sisters, as you can see, came out looking more like him. 

My grandfather told her that he should have been glad that he could still produce a child as old as he was.  My father was 17 years older than my mother. 


She was his mistress for 20 years and had 3 children by him.  She claimed she couldn't stand his black ass, but I know that she had to be madly in love with him to stay around for that long.  I remember they used to go on dates from time to time.  He never lived with us and when I questioned her about that later, she said that he had a very high sex drive.  Of course, that made me think that she thought he may try to touch one of us girls inappropriately, but I never asked her outright.  It would have dug too deep.  I do think, however, that she may have been sexually abused or assaulted when she was younger and so she just didnt trust any man around us.


My mother raised us by herself.  I only remember seeing my father 3 times a year, at most.  Bernice was a nurse who worked hard to take care of us but was bad at managing money to a certain extent.  Looking back, I can see where the money went, but I also see a better way of handling it.  She did her best though and I can only respect that.  My father didn't give her money for support because he didnt really acknowledge us.  It's deep.


So my mother did her best.  She taught us how to handle ourselves as ladies.  How to sit on a couch instead of plopping down.  How to cook, how to clean, how to be respectful to our elders.  She even taught us how to drink by allowing us to drink at age 15, but only in the house with her so she could monitor how each of us would react to alcohol.  It was only rum and coke or wine coolers, but she taught us how to handle our liquor and when to say enough is enough.  She slow-walked us through make-up and high heels and smoking and boys.  She had set ages at which we could do all those important things and it was a good method because by the time we could do all of them, they really had lost their appeal.  (Except the boys!!! LOL Boys are always appealing!)


She did all of this but now I wonder, who was taking care of her?  As I look at my life focused on my children, I see where there are people here and there to pull me out of my own head.  My mother had a few but not as many as I do.  She didnt go out with her girlfriends.  She didnt hang out at the clubs.  My mom was always there.  ALWAYS THERE!  It is amazing how much we cherish as we get older but don't see when we are in the midst of it.  I appreciate that she got all of her partying out before she had us (as she put it).  I do wish she would have been more active and outgoing when we were coming up but she made her decision and that was that. 


I hope that my children appreciate that I am still learning but doing my very best to take care of them and myself.  I have made mistakes and done things I regret but my children always come first, as it was with my mother and as it always should be for all mothers!


Thank you Mommy.
xoxo
Charisse