Holiday Travel and Some Randomness for Good Measure

Heading south again but this time, no funerals!  The kids, Love and I are heading to North Carolina to surprise Love's brother.  Love's brother had gastric bypass surgery some years ago. He, unfortunately, had complications and ended up gaining more weight and dealing with an open wound for a few years now. He went to several specialists and had surgery this past summer to finally repair the trouble spot.  Love decided he wanted to go visit him since he has never been to this brother's house before and so we will be there for the Thanksgiving holiday.

Although I have been around Love's family for about 20 years, I only met this brother "T" when I went to Georgia for their mom's funeral.  He is married with 2 beautiful girls and is a good man that I can tell.  I have heard rumors about his wife though that give me pause.

Example No. 1, a neighbor of Love's other brother "C" cooked a spread of food for his home and for visitors for after the funeral.  Well brother "T", his wife, their kids, her mom, her sis and her niece were staying at brother "C"'s house.  Instead of being grateful for the gift, T's wife went out and bought her family Popeye's chicken.  Umm... how you do you say it?

"Houston, we have a problem!!"

Now I was there.  I ate the food and it was slammin'!!  I met the neighbors and they are good people.  I saw the Popeye's chicken but didnt put it all together until the above was told to me. 

Example No. 2.  I spoke with said wife to finalize our plans to stay her home and sleeping arrangements and such.  She was fine with it and made a couple of comments about "that older sister".  Love's older sister is an attorney who at most times acts a big "Bourgie" but is alright with me 'cause I really don't care!  Older sis is staying at the Marriott.  Well, when Older Sis and Love spoke about the arrangements, Older Sis' comment was "Better you than me!"

Me feels a bit of dram-uh may be in the works.

But I am all for it 'cause I will have a front row seat!  I'll give y'all the details when I get back on Monday!

Mothering

I blame my mother for nothing, but forgive her everything - Mary J. Blige


This quote makes my heart sad and hopeful at the same time.  Throughout history, all across the world, the general concensus is that whatever problems you may have, it all goes back to your mother!  Your mother!  My mother! Her mother! Their mother!!

We mothers have so very much to deal with and as we all know, there is no handbook, course or study material for the "real" life of a mother.  Oh, we can read all types of books on parenting a healthy child, what to and not to do, but being a mother entails more than helping you learn to tie your shoes and say "please" and "thank you".


Let me tell you about my mother.  Bernice was 36 years old by the time she had me, her first live born child, in 1970.  She had 3 miscarriages before me and based on the stories she told me, she really wanted me!  I love that! 


My mother was not married to my father and had to contend with him questioning whether I was really his child because I didnt look anything like him, 'cause I was light-skinned with chinky eyes and good hair.  He said I looked like the "Chinese laundry man's baby. "  Bernice, of course, cursed my dark-chocolate skinned, skinny, older father out about it.  My younger sisters, as you can see, came out looking more like him. 

My grandfather told her that he should have been glad that he could still produce a child as old as he was.  My father was 17 years older than my mother. 


She was his mistress for 20 years and had 3 children by him.  She claimed she couldn't stand his black ass, but I know that she had to be madly in love with him to stay around for that long.  I remember they used to go on dates from time to time.  He never lived with us and when I questioned her about that later, she said that he had a very high sex drive.  Of course, that made me think that she thought he may try to touch one of us girls inappropriately, but I never asked her outright.  It would have dug too deep.  I do think, however, that she may have been sexually abused or assaulted when she was younger and so she just didnt trust any man around us.


My mother raised us by herself.  I only remember seeing my father 3 times a year, at most.  Bernice was a nurse who worked hard to take care of us but was bad at managing money to a certain extent.  Looking back, I can see where the money went, but I also see a better way of handling it.  She did her best though and I can only respect that.  My father didn't give her money for support because he didnt really acknowledge us.  It's deep.


So my mother did her best.  She taught us how to handle ourselves as ladies.  How to sit on a couch instead of plopping down.  How to cook, how to clean, how to be respectful to our elders.  She even taught us how to drink by allowing us to drink at age 15, but only in the house with her so she could monitor how each of us would react to alcohol.  It was only rum and coke or wine coolers, but she taught us how to handle our liquor and when to say enough is enough.  She slow-walked us through make-up and high heels and smoking and boys.  She had set ages at which we could do all those important things and it was a good method because by the time we could do all of them, they really had lost their appeal.  (Except the boys!!! LOL Boys are always appealing!)


She did all of this but now I wonder, who was taking care of her?  As I look at my life focused on my children, I see where there are people here and there to pull me out of my own head.  My mother had a few but not as many as I do.  She didnt go out with her girlfriends.  She didnt hang out at the clubs.  My mom was always there.  ALWAYS THERE!  It is amazing how much we cherish as we get older but don't see when we are in the midst of it.  I appreciate that she got all of her partying out before she had us (as she put it).  I do wish she would have been more active and outgoing when we were coming up but she made her decision and that was that. 


I hope that my children appreciate that I am still learning but doing my very best to take care of them and myself.  I have made mistakes and done things I regret but my children always come first, as it was with my mother and as it always should be for all mothers!


Thank you Mommy.
xoxo
Charisse

In Memory of My Friend

My friend, my cousin, Ms. Cynthia Berry, lost her battle with cancer on Monday, October 26th, just before her 39th birthday!  She was a beautiful, purpose-filled woman who spent her final days how she wanted, at home with her children.

Cindy was so driven to succeed in whatever she set her mind to.  She spoke fluent Spanish.  She went to college and then law school, graduating at the top of her class each time.  She worked in the legal field and when she bored of that, she switched to the real estate field, where she excelled with ease.  She also dabbled in the music business in her "spare" time, songwriting and managing musical acts, and organizing fashion shows. 


Aside from her professional life, she was a good friend and loved her family most of all.  She has been to almost all of the family events for each holiday for the past 7 years, without only a slight glitch, which she was highly upset about.  She loved spending time with her cousins, from the oldest to the youngest.  Her older daughter and my youngest daughter are inseparable when they are around each other.  Cindy made sure that family stayed connected.  It was very much her focus in life.


She was in Stage IV and taking the radiation treatment but that wasn't enough. I kind of knew from our conversation last month that she wouldn't be around to spend Thanksgiving with us this year, but I was hopeful! When Love and I made plans to go down south this year, it was in my thoughts that it would be my first time not being home and not having her around for the holiday. Now I know that deep down we both knew she wouldn't be around for the holiday. I do have to respect the fact that she chose to be home with her kids, and do things on her own terms. The type of person she is would not allow her to be stuck in a hospital bed, not being able to enjoy her last days.



Cindy had my back from the first day we met. She was around when I went through a lot of mess with the ex, Moe but mind you, she is Moe's cousin, not mine! She had no problem telling him when he was wrong and that he messed up. When she met Love last year at Thanksgiving dinner, and Moe called, she let him know that although she was his cousin, it was his fault that he wasnt there, not hers, and that she wasnt going to miss out on my cooking because of his stupidity. Then she told Moe that she liked Love and that it was Moe's loss! That was my girl!!! She pulled no punches.


Ms. Cynthia Berry is preceeded by her father and older sister, both to cancer. She leaves behind her mother Hazel, her 10 year old daughter, 3 year old twin daughter and son, and a very large extended family here in NY.


Kiss your loved ones who are close, and call the ones who are far.
Every day is a present, enjoy the gift!


xoxo
Charisse

My Favorite Things in Pink

Pink Roses!!

Pretty Pink Girly Bedrooms

Creating Beauty with My Own Hands!!!

xoxo

Charisse

My Days Lately

-I had to take the day off yesterday to handle some important business with regard to my living situation.

-I wasnt feeling well this morning and something kept telling me to stay home but I ignored it and got on the bus because Love couldnt drive me.  I had just taken yesterday off so why would I take another day, a Friday off, you know. Need to put my best foot forward to keep my job!  Well, when I got there, I started feeling worse and my supervisor looked at me and said that I should go home!  Um WOO HOO!  Thank you!  I texted Love and asked if he could pick me up and he came about 45 minutes.

-Although I can get to work on the bus pretty easily, it is hard during midday because the bus directly to my house only runs during rush hour, morning and night.  So good thing Love drives for his job and has different routes and was able to come get me.  He dropped me right off and went on his way with only a little delay! I came straight upstairs, undressed and got right in bed.  I slept for about 2 hours and felt much better afterwards.

-I feel like painting and creating something pretty!  I cleaned my art area the other day in anticipation of my mojo coming back and I think it worked!  Whatever I start, I will show you all.

-My iPhone is so cool and I enjoy it very much.  Here is a picture to share with you all!

This is my gynecologist on the fishing boat with us 2 weeks ago!  LOL

Looking pretty to go see Maxwell in concert!!

Talk to you all later!!!

xoxo

Charisse

What I'm Grateful for TODAY!!!

-My beautiful children, even though the boy has, yet again, forgotten to call me to let me know he is home.

-My puppy dog, Miss Rose, who is spoiled, needs a good brushing and is oh so affectionate.

-Getting a ride to and from work most days from this man, laughing and being friends to each other, being in love with each other and wondering every day we see each other if we should or should not be together for life.

-Waking up this morning and thanking the Father for all the blessings, good tidings, love, stress and this LIFE in general!

Love y'all

xoxo

Charisse

Posting Pink for the "Girls"

For my beautiful baby girl who is such a blessing and light in my life.


For her big cousin Cindy Berry, who is in Stage IV and defying the odds placed on her living every day!


Her will to live is much stronger than your statistics and we all knows that GOD is a healer!!!


She WILL be at my house Thanksgiving this year with her kids and her mom, just like the past 7 years!


Because we WILL find a cure way before we give up!!!


xoxo
Charisse