Saturday, August 29, 2009

We Both Did 10 Years

Him.... in prison.
Me.... in a bad relationship that turned to a bad marriage.

Since October 2007, when we started writing to each other, we have been a part of each other's everyday.

He came home in April 2008. In April 2008, I was separated for a year.

I encouraged and supported him emotionally while he attended training and employment for a new life. He encouraged me and supported me emotionally in moving past the internal scars of an mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive relationship, to my new single life.

I pushed him away so that he would be able to experience this world, find what he had been missing and live.

He pushed harder to experience it with me, said what he was missing was with me and he was living.

He said he wanted to take a chance. I got tired of pushing away the kind of man I said I wanted and decided to take a chance as well.

In my marriage, I gave myself fully and lost touch with who I am. He lost his 30's to a bad decision.

We are both scrambling to gain ground to make up for lost time. I get stuck in my own head, wanting to make sure I don't fall back into what I had in the past. He feels stuck thinking he is missing something in life.

What do I know today?

He moved into a room of his own, to experience it for the first time in his life.

It's only 5 minutes away from my house

I see him everyday. Everyday.

He risks his parole curfew in order to be here with me.

His mail still comes here.

He is getting my transmission fixed for me.

He is spending time with another woman as I type.

I found this beautiful quote on a blog last week and it is so appropriate.

"What you do speaks so loudly, I cannot hear what you say"

I am in love still and I must be blind because I keep feeling like he loves me too.

Just pray for me, y'all.....


mademoisellechitchat said...

He is spending time with another woman as I type.

Charisse, pray and truly listen to God's voice!


Adrienne said...

((HUGS)) Stay prayed up :)

Go said...

This is what you two agreed upon right? To let him try to see the world for himself? I say give him his space don't pull to hard eventually you'll have your answer. I think you guys made a good adult decision. So now you wait...and we'll be her by your side waiting too! Keep your head up baby doll! Maybe you should date too and make sure this relationship wasn't just a rebound thing!



Christina said...

I love you... you know where I am if you need me.
You come from kings and queens~ remember that, dear heart.